Vs. 3- 7 "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him, do not fret..."
Again and again I was being reminded to trust Him. To wait patiently on Him. To let Him act and to just keep doing the right thing, even when there were no immediate answers or change of circumstances. If I'm honest, I often struggled to put this into practice and my own frustration over what I couldn't control frequently robbed me of sleep and certainly of peace. But the Lord called me right back to Him and kept telling me in His word to wait patiently on Him. I had no control over a housing market and there wasn't any way we could rewind 9 years and undo a purchase that at the time, was a huge blessing to us. God worked a real surrender into me and helped me focus on just dwelling in the land He had given us. Loving our home for what it was and not wasting the days away in regret or despair. This past Fall, we simply did our best. Life was busy with ministry and soccer and school and the daily everything. We took each week as it came and had plenty on our minds to occupy us.
And then on one ordinary day, at the end of November, an email landed in my inbox from our friend who is a realtor. Over these last five years he was fully aware of our scenario and desire to sell as soon as we found out we were pregnant with Carter. He's been a great source of input for us, checking in annually to let us know where the market is at and how that might impact us. We've sort of laughed together over the past few years at how "stuck" we really were and how God just kept giving us enough creativity and determination to make it work. But as I read this email, something was different. This one had a critical element we hadn't had for years, a missing piece to the puzzle. This one had a little hope woven through it. Maybe the market was finally close enough? Maybe this time of year would be beneficial to us in selling? Maybe we were ready to just take a way out and escape with our necks just above water? It sort of stopped me in my tracks and I read it with the same kind of defensiveness that kept me detached when I've entertained thoughts like these before. Sounds great, but I'll believe it when I see it.
I did later read it to Trav and we agreed to look a little deeper and have a conversation with him. I remember driving on the 1st of December to Ava's school, sitting in the carpool line when my phone rang. It was snowing gently outside and I was mentally thinking of all the things I needed to get done before Trav's Mom came to visit later in the week. It was our realtor and he wanted to chat a little more about that email. We had a hopeful conversation, lots of "maybe you could think about this and that" and then at the end of it he added, "You know, I just might have someone who may want to take a look at it. We've been looking at things in a different suburb but I wonder if he'd consider yours? Do you want me to ask him?" I didn't really need to even think about it, I had zero expectation that it would amount to anything so I just agreed and we hung up the phone. I do remember having the distinct thought afterwards, wouldn't it be just like the Lord to come out of nowhere, as quietly as this snowfall outside and just sell this thing? I almost dismissed it as totally wishful thinking, but there really was a thread of wonder in my heart that held onto that thought. Why would I think the Lord couldn't or wouldn't do something like that??
An hour later, an email buzzed on my phone and I almost dropped it as I read it. Turns out, yes, this guy was interested in taking a look and how did a showing in 6 days sound?
I. Know. Right????
What in the world was happening??? A showing??? We hadn't entertained that as an actual possibility at all and HELLO, if you could have seen the state of our house at the time, you would have laughed your head off at the irony! It was a disaster! And just for fun, freshly decorated for Christmas...certainly not ideal for pulling off a "spacious and orderly" vibe! I called Travis in a nervous panic and he laughed. He laughed at me but also because he just doesn't panic, ever. He was genuinely impressed with the Lord and at the timing of all this. A new job in the works and his Mom about to arrive, "she can help us" he added cheerfully, at which I about died. His Mom was coming too!! Good grief! I was simultaneously thrilled for the same reason and overwhelmed because I had to get ready for her first and I didn't want her visit to become a work trip. I think I sat down and put my head on the table, muttering things like "this is nuts, maybe we should cancel, it's not that hard, we could just stay here forever. It's easier." Again, my level-headed man laughed and calmed me down, helping me see this as a good thing and reminding me to breathe. And then just like that, we spent the next 6 days doing the deepest clean/purge we could. Trav's Mom was a HUGE help and without her there that firs time, I could never have pulled it off. I mean that sincerely. It looked so nice in here and I felt so good about putting the best foot forward we could. Our potential buyer saw it and then we entered phase one of the great moving drama, we waited. The first feedback we got was good, he liked it and was surprised by it. The cleaning woman in me felt validated and the designer in me felt appreciated. He was probably not expecting a baby suite in the master closet! haha! The mom in me just felt tired :)
Next came the whirlwind that is the holidays and we didn't have much communication other than an affirmation that he still liked it and was still interested. We were in no hurry really, we were traveling to Iowa and juggling all that Christmas brings with it and then the great sickness of 2016 hit us on New Years Day. January ushered in pink eye for 4 of us, a double ear infection for 1 of us, a stomach bug for 4 of us, an upper respiratory infection for 1 of us, laryngitis for 2 of us and stitches for 1 of us. So it was, you know, quiet and peaceful around here.
In the midst of all that drama, we were wondering how he still felt and should he want to move forward, what in the world would we do? This was still a completely shocking scenario to us and truthfully we didn't know if we should put any stock in it or if we could trust the roller coaster emotions that come with buying and selling. Should this happen, where would we go and how would that all come together? I like to refer to this as phase two, the what-if dreaming phase. It's basically grounded in sunshine and rainbows with key pieces of information missing, namely reality and actual numbers. I think I hate this phase most of all. It's still coupled with the waiting phase so it seems like an actual exercise in futility, guaranteed to waste all your time and energy. But at least it was a distraction from the pharmacy that our kitchen had become. And it did help us formulate a plan and have conversations we needed to have.
In early-January, we hit a snag. Because of our potential buyer's type of loan, our condo building needed to meet certain guidelines, a process with a considerable cost attached to it. We got that call and I thought it was probably our answer. He would need to back out and the Lord was surely shutting this door. I felt some relief but also some sadness. Moving was really starting to grow on me. Thankfully God gave our realtor a great idea and before he could even finish throwing it my way, I was sending it to our HOA board with a giant ask of them to approve it and pay for it. Basically it seemed like a long shot with several likely meetings and endless discussion before it could ever be approved. Picture the episodes of Seinfeld, when Jerry's parents fought the HOA...We braced ourselves for at least a few weeks of waiting and lots of pleading our case.
This was when I began to seriously believe that God just might be about to deliver us from this condo after all. One hour after sending that email, our HOA board unanimously agreed and committed to funding it. No questions, no delays, no hesitation, no meetings. Just a quick response that essentially said yep, we'll do it. And just because the Lord likes to dazzle us with His goodness, He really showed off when the paperwork was completed and submitted the very next day for the govenrment process to begin. It was almost crazy how quickly this "huge bump in the road" felt like maybe it was just a pebble in our shoe. It all got sent off and we were extremely happy about it on both sides, but we still expected several weeks of waiting because it was the government we were working with after all. If I haven't convinced you yet of the Lord's faithfulness in every detail, then here is one more evidence of it. Eight days from the first mention of this problem, we were officially government approved and the process over. His loan was now able to proceed and it cost none of us a penny. EIGHT DAYS is all it took and there was not literally one issue from start to finish. I think we took one giant deep breath and we seriously began to smile, jaws dropped, at each other. I even uttered the words, 'God is totally going to do this isn't He?!?!?!" That day, on the 14th of January, I felt a real shift in my excitement level. I let myself entertain the idea of an actual move in our future and I began pouring out every fear I had to the Lord, asking Him for one big thing. I really did not care where He took us next, but I wanted this whole process to be a marker in my life when He actively helped me take every thought captive, not giving into fear and anxiety over the unknowns but choosing to trust Him and wait for Him instead. I started asking friends to pray specifically for this. More than concrete plans and more than wild dreams coming true, I so wanted to have victory in this area and to not be a stressed out mess. I wanted His word to come alive to me in this process and to ground me every hour of the day. I knew my own weakenesses and I knew this could really create a perfect storm in me if I wasn't careful. And so I began bathing in Philippians 4, Matthew 6 and Matthew 7.
A second showing was scheduled at the end of January and we were the top contender in our buyer's mind. Again, our excitement was growing but we were trying to stay cautiously guarded too. It was especially fun to consider a sale because we knew our buyer. Long before this began we had been praying with the kids at dinner for the Lord to move us in His timing and for this condo to be a blessing to the person who would buy it next. This was not because we had any inclination about moving, it just seemed like a good conversation to start with them. We especially prayed for our neighbors to also be blessed by the sale someday, it kind of made us sad to think about leaving them with just anyone. We began praying with the kids in the Fall about moving someday, because we wanted to give them the chance to see God actively working in our family. We anticipated at least a year or more of this, we had no clue really, but God had other plans! He hand delivered us a buyer we knew from Church, someone who was a great volunteer in student ministries even! Of course He did that! All along we thought that was so amazing, but we truly wanted him to feel zero pressure from us and we really prayed that God would shut this whole thing down at any point if it wasn't the best move for him and for us. We kept that detail to ourselves and just prayed a lot. We got ready to show him the house again over Martin Luther King Jr weekend and then held our breath for a few days while we waited to hear back. That was the start of phase three, tortured breath holding and subsequent Oreo eating.
After a few long days later we heard he did indeed still love it and that he wanted it. On that note, we got the suggestion from our realtor to begin making tentative plans in pursuing our next move. There aren't really words for how that felt! After 5 years of waiting and 2 years of hard-pressed living, we thought we were going to die from excitement. Hope is a powerful thing. Without hope it is hard to dig deeply for joy and apart from the Lord, it's impossible to maintain it. But since He has always been our hope, we knew we could still have joy even if this all fell apart. Our joy has never rested in a bigger house or an eminent move. God graciously helped us anchor our hope in Him but now it seemed He was breathing new hope into our circumstances too and that felt like pure delight!
The last few weeks of the process were tough to live through. We were pulling triggers and waiting for dominoes to fall into place. Our buyer was living through his own journey too as this was his first home purchase and that is overwhelming for anyone to experience. All along we have felt so blessed by the Lord to have escaped the rollercoaster that is putting a house on the market with three little kids and a husband adjusting to a new, busier job. We knew that would be a massive gift the from the Lord to escape that and yet, toward the end we felt like we needed to prepare for it, in case we needed a plan b. We went to bed on a Tuesday night feeling a little discouraged and wrapping our minds around the thought and cost of listing it officially that next week. Again we asked the Lord to just make it very clear about what we needed to do, we really didn't want to list it, and we fell into bed exhausted from this whole thing. At the same time, I had a bad bout of laryngitis and had spent the previous two days with absolutely zero voice. I do not think that was poor timing. It kept me from picking up the phone and complaining or trying to formulate a plan on my own, apart from the Lord. I had two full days of forced rest and time to pray, without the ability to talk to anyone. I know the Lord allowed that on purpose. It was good for my soul and kept me from trouble with too many words :)
The next morning as I was about to drive Carter to preschool, I looked at a text that said, "Guess what? He is ready to move forward and get this done!" from our realtor. I couldn't believe it. I sent it to Travis immediately and thankfully we didn't have to wait long for the official news. One hour later the offer was being written for full asking price and a closing date that was perfect for us. Boom! Just like that, I couldn't help but be overwhelmed at the clear answer God had given us. In a 12 hour swing we went from discouragement to praise! And in two months we went from not a real thought of selling this condo in our heads to signing the official purchase agreement. Only the Lord could have done that! Only He could have known that we would need a push from Him to do this and that our changing circumstances would make the timing of this so right. We are still so awed by Him and thankful for His faithful care. I am thankful I can even say that one week later, we now have a place to go, a great house that is just right for us. I will share that story in another post, sorry this is turning into cliffhanger city but I have to get some actual things done today!
We praise God for this fun story and this chapter that is closing, 9 years in the making! I have much to say about that and I will say it soon, but for now I will leave you with this...more truths from Psalm 37 that grounded me and held me every step of the way. It is still surreal to say that we SOLD our home, but we are so grateful and so very excited!! Thank you for sharing our joy!!
Psalm 37:23-28, 39-40~
"If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread. They are always generous and lend freely; their children will be blessed. Turn from evil and do good; then you will dwell in the land forever. For the Lord loves the just and will not forsake His faithful ones...The salvation of the righteous comes from the Lord; he is their stronghold in time of trouble. The Lord helps them and delivers them; He delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him."