...I'm not sure if you remember me or not, but I used to be the author of this blog?? There was a day when I mananged to make some time for an update here or there, an opinion or two, at the very least some pictures...but the month of June was not kind in its' distribution of me time! I have longed to sit down and recap what's been going on, but honestly I've had to make choices lately between screen time and real life, and as it should, real life with my people won out! So, although the last day of June fell off the calendar yesterday, I'm still in the thick of a wild, summer schedule. I'm giving myself the gift of a little break from working while my house naps this afternoon, and I thought I'd sit down and write a little bit...I hope that was a good decision :)
In the spirit of full disclosure regarding my physical/emotional state, I'm also eating some chocolate for coping purposes while I type...just keepin it real :)
I'm not even sure where to begin except to say, June has been an experience! In the course of one month we went on a week long vacation to Wisconsin with my family, attended many grad parties over each weekend, Travis ran his first marathon in Duluth, we celebrated Father's Day, we all worked at and attended VBS for a week, and 2 days later we took 123 students + 25?? staff to JAM camp for a week...Is that enough activity to warrant my extreme exhaustion??? Not only have we been physically tired from a grueling month, but emotionally I've been all over the map too. We are in the thick of a hard season with our kids...nothing more than the normal challenges of life with a 1 year old and a 3 year old, but in case you forgot what that season of life was like, let me remind you...it's hard! My Mom gave me some good perspective the other day, reminding me that the grass is not always greener, just because they're older! She said someone once told her, "Little kids= little problems. Big kids= Bigger problems!" She wasn't trying to bum me out, but reminding me that every season brings it's own set of challenges and this parenting thing doesn't necessarily get easier, just different and more intense. However, as she recently experienced with me at camp, right now in this season it's exhausting to keep both of them entertained, fed, healthy and safe, in addition to nuturing them, loving them, disciplining them, encouraging them and teaching them at all hours of the day and night. They are a handful right now and if we were just doing "normal everyday life" it would be tiring, but on top of all this transition and activity, it's been overwhelming. Especially for me. With the exception of vacation, Travis has been so busy that while he's "with" us on some of these trips, he's not able to be totally "with us." Does that make sense? That's not a passive aggressive attack on him, this is simply his busiest time of the year and even though we both prep for it and try to mentally prepare, it's just not easy to live it well. He's got a lot on his plate and so do I. In fact, as I type this, I'm feeling a little bit fragile, hence the chocolate! I'm tired, we just got home from camp on Friday night. Yesterday we tried to recover a little bit and I started the massive amounts of laundry, but today we have to re-pack him as he prepares to leave again on Tuesday for 10 days in Israel. Yes, ISRAEL!!! What???
He has an amazing opportunity to go with a group of Seniors from our student ministry as they tour the Holy Land and pack a lifetime trip into 10 days. It will be a memory maker for sure and I'm excited for him to soak it all up...but as he prepares to leave, I can't help but feel overwhelmed. Coming off of camp, the timing of this trip is not great, and yet, I don't want him to feel guilty about going and I don't want to complain when I know how awesome this trip is and that it's not something most people ever get to do. But if I'm honest, I feel like I could cry when I think of parenting without him for 10 days :) If I didn't know and believe that the Lord will be faithful to me and help me get through it, I would probably just fall apart. I'm tired. He's tired. The kids are tired, and sick. And the enemy is all over us right now. Why wouldn't he be?? We are a great target on the heels of a busy month and it's not easy to keep our guard up. I have been trying to remember that when I've wanted to snap at the kids or throw my hands up and crawl in bed to escape...he's on the prowl and I'm determined not to give him any ground to stand on.
So in two days, I'll put Trav on a plane to Jerusalem and then I'll transition to the other pull on my heart this week. I'm down to just a few days left to spend with my dearest friend before she and her family move on Saturday to California. Again, the timing of all of this...not great! I've been dreading this week for months and here it is...Joy over Trav's opportunity, grief over saying goodbye to my friend. My friend Lisa and her family came on staff at our Church just months before we did. Although we were in much different stages with our kids and our lives, the Lord has knit our hearts together over time and especially since I was pregnant with Ava. She has been a source of love, encouragement, truth, and support and I will miss her with everything in me. We have spent so much time together in the last two years...I frankly can't drive down her street without crying right now. But, God had different plans for her family and I know He will use them to bless their new Church and to point them to Jesus. He's been so faithful to them, working so clearly to move them and providing along every step of the way...I know this is right and His Word tells us that His plans are always better, always for His glory and our good, but it's certainly not easy. It hurts to say goodbye to a friend...
Life reminds me right now, of those All-State commercials that say, "When life comes at you hard, All-state will be there." Although I'm sure All-state is a fine insurance company for whatever services it provides, it is not the anchor for my soul. I am thankful that I do indeed have an anchor for my soul, and His name is Jesus. So when life feels likes it's coming at me hard, I can say with confidence that the Lord is here. He is graciously giving me enough strength to get through each day, He's been working in some incredible ways in situations that I thought were hopeless, and He's meeting me right where I am, providing hope and rest for my weary soul.
This has been a month! It's held such joy, it's also held some grief...I do plan to recap the highlights with some pictures and stories...our families have been starved for both :) But honestly, I'm putting one foot in front of another right now and asking the Lord for more grace by the minute. And He's giving it to me in abundance...
This blog of mine has been pretty quiet for a reason and now you know why! But I did feel a little pull to hop on here and fill you in, considering I've had like 4 people in the last week tell me that they read my blog faithfully and appreciate it. Thank you for that...Sometimes it does feel like such a chore and yet, it is a great release for me to write and I love that we have this as a family journal for the last few years. Sometimes I even go back and read old entries, just to remind myself of how the Lord has met us and answered us and grown us over the years. I always love to hear when something I post touches somebody else, not because I'm looking for some affirmation or praise, but because often God has used my own pain or hard seasons to speak truth to someone else and I know that is ALL HIM and none of me. I also know how much it means to ME when someone ministers to me through their blog or their life...Sometimes I think we all can use a little encouragement to keep pressing into the Lord and to trust Him, even in the dark places. He is our hope, He is the light for our path, and He is all we need. I don't know what June held for you (good, bad or ugly) but on this first day of July I am praying that you'll seek the Lord with me in this new month ahead...Lots of changes on our horizon, but all of it is under His Sovereignty and control and that is a good place for it to be, don't you agree?
I hope you have a wonderful end to your Sunday and a blessed week! I've missed you blog friends, I hope we can get reaccquainted again soon. Pray for us when you think of us, we have a few big things on our schedule in the coming weeks. As the grind of summer beckons, I want so badly for us to enjoy this time too and seek the graces of God in it. He's the anchor...He's the hope!! Hold on tightly to Him and loosely to everything else...
I'm a fellow struggler :)
Grace to you...
"God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged. We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf..." Hebrews 6:18-20
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