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12.10.2009

Anxious.

Today I spent the majority of my day at Church.  On Saturday, I am speaking at the Women's Christmas Brunch at our Church, doing a little demo on Christmas decorating.  Today I spent most of my day setting up for it.  It isn't a big deal.  It really isn't.  There's nothing hard about doing it, nothing I haven't done before.  But my nerves are telling me otherwise...

I just told Travis a few minutes ago, I have these moments of panic that come over me in waves and make me want to throw up.  Or just cry.  I think crying would somehow make me feel better.  It isn't that I regret saying "yes" to it or that I feel unprepared, just woefully inadequate.  Do you know that feeling?  I start questioning myself and my every decision.  I imagine the nicest ladies, giving me the meanest looks and saying things like, "She is so boring and her ideas are so lame..."  Seriously, what is that??

A few nights ago, I confessed to Travis that I wasn't sleeping well because I can't stop thinking about this thing.  I just want it to be over.  So, like a good husband, he rolled over and put his arm around me and then prayed for me.  Which then simultaneously made me cry and made me feel better :) He reminded me of a nice little saying our Senior Pastor said to him, before he preached at our Church a couple of years ago.  He told Travy not to think of them as "a crowd to be feared but rather a family to be loved."  I never knew that until 2 nights ago, but I like it.  It's true.  There will be lots of women Saturday morning that I dearly love.  Women with sweet faces who won't give me mean looks.  They will smile back at me and make me feel secure about what I'm doing.  I know this.  But for some reason, I have a hard time remembering it when my anxiety comes creeping in...Or roaring in.  Whatever the case.

I know I'll be fine.  I know I'll probably even have fun.  But if you think of it, would you pray for me??  Between this brunch this weekend and a wedding I have next Saturday, I am more than a little stressed.  And I hate to be stressed during Christmas.  Especially when it's Ava's first one...

But, alas, I'm stressed.  And tired.  And hungry.  And sick of hearing the music from Super Mario Bros. coming from our living room.

Is it Saturday yet???

8 comments:

CJ said...

You'll be fine. You'll get the confidence once you are among them and you see them supporting you. Just calm down :)

All the best

Cari Brooks said...

I can relate. I actually have to present something at work today and I know it will be fine but I keep thinking the same thoughts :(

I'll be praying about it again this morning just like I did last night.

Good Luck with your situation and I know it will be fine and plus you're discussing such a fun topic!

Have a great day!

Faith said...

I know you can do it and you will be fabulous!!

Ryan, Karis and Julia said...

Is Travis hooked on Super Mario now? So sorry Steph...you'll do great on Sat, but I know the feeling you are talking about.

Rebecca Jo said...

I think the advice your husband shared is perfect! And how sweet that he prayed with you over this... the head of your household! :)

You will do just fine! I know when I stand in front of our congregation & talk, I ALWAYS get nervous, until I'm up on that stage looking at people that I love, people that I know are my family, people who just love me... I'm sure it'll be the same for you! And know that people love people who are REAL - so even telling others you are nervous - or even if you mess up, that only makes you MORE real... & people will love you even more!

I have no doubts you're going to do just fine!

Miz Jean said...

Okay, sorry, but the comment by 123 123sent me into a fit of giggles. Anyway...I used to have this HORRENDOUS fear of being in front of people - specifically singing in front of other people. Which is a problem if you are a praise team leader in your church. However, instead of God removing the problem, he put me in the situation repeatedly - to the point where it totally doesn't phase me now. But I LOVE this saying Travis told you! Every once in a while I still get a little nervous so I'm going to just remind myself of the family to be loved! Fabulous! I'll be praying for you, Steph! Hopefully after these big events you can relax and enjoy Ava's first Christmas!

Holly said...

Steph,
Oh that is so hard when you just want something to be over! I know you will do great and I would love to see your demo and hear you. I love Travis' words.. such good ones. A Christmas Wedding! How fun.. our 8 yr. anniv. is on Tuesday!

Peggy & Ron said...

You will be speaking about what you KNOW. Not trying to be an expert, just sharing a part of your heart which is lovely and so generous of you. Feel His strength because we are weak and weary.