Happy Mother's Day to My Favorite Nurse!

I discovered yesterday that it's Nurse's Week this week, which probably means nothing to you, unless you know and love a nurse. I happen to know a pretty great nurse and am the daughter of that nurse. So, I guess that means I have double reason to honor her this weekend!

It's quite an experience growing up with a Mom who happens to be a nurse. Lots of cautionary warnings were issued to us before we left the house to do anything, lots of medical terms were thrown our way and lots of routines were established if any of us felt even the slightest bit sick. I didn't really realize the impact of her influence until I left home and found myself saying things like, "You can't take that ibuprofen on an empty stomach" and "You should really cut those grapes up so you don't choke" and "That baby should not be out in this weather without her head covered up! She's going to get pneumonia" Wow. It began. I was becoming my mother.

Unlike the many people in this world who are horrified at that thought, I consider it a great privilege to be compared to my Mom. She is a woman that I admire for a million reasons and I love becoming just like her. Now at 16, I wouldn't have said that. Our similarities were often the source of many classic mother/daughter clashes,always initiated by me, I should add. But as I've grown up, left the house, and started my own life I've realized time and time again how blessed and fortunate I am to be my mother's daughter. I love her more and more with every year, every life experience, and every milestone I reach. She is a wonderful mother and a fantastic nurse too. She deserves much honor and for her children to rise up and call her blessed. So, in honor of her, here are a few of the things I admire about my favorite nurse, who happens to be my Mom.

#1- She is funny. I mean really funny. My Mom has a sense of humor that is sharp, witty and very hilarious. We often tease her about being a little warped too, because she finds humor in the oddest things. But she has this great ability to cut tension and make you laugh, even when you don't want to. We are so alike in this way (although she's funnier than I am) that often we'll be in a store somewhere or at a restaurant and we'll both observe or see something that strikes us as hilarious. Many, many times we have to separate or look away from one another just so we can hold it together. One of our classic stories about this is when we were in Lenscrafters looking for new frames for her. We were just browsing when a salesperson came up to my Mom and introduced herself, asking if she could help her. She said her name was Cindy and when she did, I immediately had to walk away because you see, poor Cindy had one of the worst lisps I've ever heard. Totally not her fault, but imagine where she was working. As LenScrafterS, selling glaSSeS, with a lisp that left her unable to pronounce her "S's"...not good. I had to wait outside because I could not even look at my Mom without both of us losing total control. Now I tell you that story not because we are heartless and like to laugh at other people, but because we were both thinking the exact same thing...Cindy Brady, why are you working at LenScrafterS selling glaSSeS?? Perhaps you might want to look for another line of work??????

#2- My Mom is a Hospice nurse who is faced everyday with very difficult people, often in crisis, as they face the thing they fear most, death. She hasn't always been a Hospice nurse, she's worked in the hospital, in doctor's offices, and even for a group of lawyers, but this is the role that I think she excels at. She would tell you it's the hardest thing she's ever done and for sure, it's not easy for her. Her days are filled with hard conversations, less-than-ideal procedures, and counseling for everyone involved. She has walked with families and patients who know the Lord and view impending death as a joyous home going, and she has walked with families and patients who are at odds, in turmoil, and surrounded by anger and bitterness as they are forced to face death and let go. In this job all her patients die. She gets very close with most of them and then has to hold their hand or comfort their families as they do the hardest thing, grieve. She is given difficult families because she is so patient. I've been home when she gets a call that her patient has died and seen her cry over those she loved. I've met some of the families that she's worked with when we've been out shopping or running errands and they always tell me how much they loved my mom and how grateful they were to have her. I've also heard her stories about the amazing conversations she's had with patients who are realizing what lies ahead and are confronted with their need for Jesus. I think the Lord has given her this job as a ministry and he's equipped her by allowing her to go through some very difficult deaths and losses personally. I know she is weary some days of the physical, emotional, and spiritual toll this job demands, but I admire her for pressing on and doing the best job she can, regardless of the thanks she may or may not get. She is a true servant who has an incredible gift of mercy and love and I think about her often when I find myself doing something I don't always like or serving someone who never bothers to say thank you. She is the best nurse I know.

#3-My Mom has overcome some tremendous hurts and odds in her life and has emerged without bitterness or resentment. Her growing up years were difficult to say the least. She was a child of divorce and trauma and yet she's been able to forgive and love regardless. She lost her Mom at a very young age, after many years of dealing with mental illness, physical suffering, disease, and hurts. I think about this all the time because I cannot imagine not having my Mom to lean on for support during these years in my life. We grew up knowing and loving my Grandma, but with each year she slipped further and further away as illness took over her life. My Mom buried her Mom too soon, but she lost her years before that. She had to make painful decisions in the prime of her life, with three little girls at home, a full-time job, and a husband. She has not been given an easy road to walk, but she has walked it well. I'm incredibly proud of my Mom for this. She didn't give in to the temptation to blame others and become a victim, even though she had the right to. She would tell you that she wouldn't be able to do any of that without the Lord in her life and I know that's true. She's set a tremendous example for her daughters and we're better for it.

#4- She laughs at the days to come! Like the Proverbs 31 woman, my Mom doesn't fear growing older or the changes that come with that. She knows who she is in Christ and she's able to laugh at life. She is entering a stage in life that is not easy for most women, she's about to become an empty-nester. But she's also enjoying the fruit of those years she spent raising us. One thing I appreciate about my Mom is her willingness to let us go and to become who God created us to be. Both Stacie and I have moved away now, which I know is hard on my Mom and Dad, but never has a day gone by that she made us feel guilty for leaving. She knows God has plans for each of us and she is wise to let them unfold as He sees fit. I know she'd love to have us live down the street if she could, but she is also very supportive of us and the lives we've chosen. Some Moms operate in guilt-inflicted modes, trying to control their kids lives and make everything perfect. I respect that my Mom hasn't done that. I know she's always there to listen and to give me advice, but she's never made me choose between her and Travis, even though she's probably wanted to! She loves the times we all come home and she makes any sacrifice she can to make our stay fun! She cooks all our favorite meals, takes us wherever we want to go, and stays up late with us, laughing and talking for hours. These days are full of change for her as her girls grow up, move out, and bring husbands home. But rather than trying to hold on to what has passed, she embraces the change and finds the joy in the new stages ahead. I know it's not easy for her, but I believe the Lord is blessing her for her faithfulness to Him. For all those memories she didn't get to experience with her Mom, she's doing a great job at creating them with us.

#5- Aside from the day my Mom chose to believe that Jesus died to save her and give her eternal life, the best decision she ever made was to marry my Dad. By choosing him, she chose a different way of life and broke the cycle of divorce in her family. My Dad's influence on my Mom changed her whole world. He rescued her and introduced her to a new way of living. She was welcomed into my Dad's family and thus continued the Godly heritage that had been established. I never lost the lesson that she modeled by marrying a Godly man who loved her unconditionally. My Dad has been a Godly, stable, loving, supportive, kind, and trustworthy man all my life and my Mom demonstrated the importance of waiting for that kind of man by choosing him. I am so incredibly grateful for the good choice she made, because I am a product of it. Her Mom also supported my Mom's decision by loving my Dad and spoiling him when he came into the family. My Grandma was the best mother-in-law she could be. My Mom told me what an impact that made on her, and when I brought Travis into the picture, she did the same thing her Mom did-she loved and spoiled him! Now I've watched her for 5 years welcome Travis, Jesse, and now Dave into our family with open arms. She loves each of them in ways that minister to their hearts. She teases them, buys them funny things, makes their favorite meals, watches the silly movies they love, and encourages all her girls to love and respect them. But more than that, she modeled the role of a loving wife for 32 years. She would be lost without my Dad and she knows it! I'm so thankful for her influence because it's trickled down to the three of us and influenced us to make wise choices in who we marry. It's a testament to her and my Dad to see how much our three husbands love coming to visit. I never have to talk Travis into going home. He loves my Mom too and he often teases me by calling me "Little Debby" because I apparently say things that sound just like her! He smiles at me, laughs and says, "Steph, you are totally becoming your Mom!"

So there you have it, 5 things I admire about my Mom. I could list a million more about her and also about my Dad. I'll save the latter for Father's day though. I am blessed to be Debby's daughter and I don't take it for granted. I have my own personal nurse, who's always on call for me and someone to laugh my head off with! I'm a lucky girl!

Happy Mother's Day Mom...I Love You With All My Heart.
Love,
Steph

The sun will come out tomorrow....

Just so you know, the sun did come out today and it was a gorgeous day. Despite the sorrows we face, the hurts, and the disappointments, life has a funny way of marching on doesn't it?

In no way does it diminish how you feel or what the circumstance might be, but it's a good reminder that no matter how hard it is, the sun will always come up tomorrow. God is like that too. No matter how long we wait for something or how intensely we pray for something, He remains faithful. His promises are true; His presence is felt; and His peace is greater than anything this world offers. Thank you for praying for us, for sending us sweet words of encouragement, and for loving us.

I don't want you to think that we are overcome with despair. We aren't. We love Jesus more than we did nine months ago and we have great hope for our future. If I've learned anything on this journey, I've learned that I can't change the past. Some things are what they are and there isn't anything I can do about it. But, I can change how I view the past and how I decide to move ahead in the future.

I'm thankful, even grateful for this ride. I've learned lessons and truths that I never would have without it. I trust the Lord to hear my cry and I believe He will answer in the way He sees fit. Sure the tears flow every now and then, but rejoicing comes in the morning. My heart is at peace and I have joy that is truly of the Lord. Yesterday was memorable, but it wasn't without laughter or even contentment. I can't explain it, but I know the Lord hears our hearts and I know He has plans for us and that gives me great hope!

Please keep praying on our behalf; we would be crazy not to believe that God isn't moved by the cries of his people. We are so indebted to so many who faithfully lift us up. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you. Your prayers are being answered and ours are as well. God has been incredibly good to us. The sun came up today and it will come up tomorrow too!

"Because he loves me, " says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation...It is good to praise the Lord and make music to your name, O Most High, to proclaim your love in the morning and your faithfulness at night..."

Psalm 91:14-92:2

A Day to Remember

A Letter From Your Mom

Dear Little One,

It's hard to believe that nine months have come and gone. It's as if I've blinked my eyes and my whole world has changed. I knew today would come, and yet I hoped it would be so different. I hoped I'd get to meet you today, my first born baby. Your Mommy and Daddy have been waiting for you and praying for you, for so long, and when you first made your entrance into our hearts, we were overwhelmed with joy. My doctor told us we would get to meet you when winter ended and spring came. In May, we were told, around the sixth day.

Oh little one, we were so excited. You were the answer to our dreams, to our prayers, to our hopes. We could not believe that after all this waiting for you, here you were! Your Daddy was so happy, so thrilled to tell the whole world all about you. We agreed to keep you as our own little secret for awhile, while you grew, but your Dad couldn't do it. He's horrible at keeping secrets and you were the best secret he ever had to keep! So we told our family about you, a little earlier than we would have, and one day, while your Dad was at work, he told his team about you too. Even though the thought of our news spreading too soon made me panic, I loved that your Dad told his friends. The real secret is that he's been waiting to be a Dad for a long time and he was walking in the clouds at the thought of you. I want you to know that story because I want you to know how we longed for you. How your little, short life meant something to us and how the news of you coming, would change us forever. You mattered to your Daddy, little one. He couldn't wait to meet you.

I'll never forget the moment I realized that I was carrying you. It was a surreal, incredible feeling and I will always cherish it as one of the best moments of my life. After not feeling so well, suddenly, I was very aware of your presence. I was consumed at the thought of you. I took a test to put my mind at ease and for the first time, it was positive! My mind raced, my hand instantly went to my stomach to feel you and to tell you I was there. And I knew life would never be the same.

Suddenly I was filled with questions. Would you be my son or my daughter? Who would you resemble most? What kind of personality would you have? What would your name be? I couldn't get through a day without all of these thoughts and more, bombarding my mind! I loved it. In what felt like an instant, I went from being consumed with myself to being consumed with you. It was bliss and I couldn't believe it was happening.

I wrote volumes of praise to the Lord over you. My journal is filled with thoughts and prayers and dreams for you. Little one, I don't know if you know this, but you were long awaited. Your Mom and your Dad spent much time in prayer, specifically for you. We knew God would one day give us the gift of a child and when he gave us you, we were filled with grateful hearts. You were the child we had pleaded for and the physical reminder of God's faithfulness to us. Do you know that still, today, you represent such hope for us? We believe with all our hearts that God created you, formed you, and ordained everyday we had with you. In no way were you an accident or just a failed pregnancy. Not to us. To us, you are part of our family and part of God's plan. If you were here today, I would tell you these things and much more about our Savior. But do you know what is so ironic? Because God, in his sovereignty, took you home before we ever got to know you, you already know and see things from a heavenly perspective and you are already much wiser than your Mom and Dad.

Today is the day we hoped to know you, to hold your sweet body, to kiss your little head. Two other little ones like you have been born to our friends this week and one more will be born any day now. It's likely you would have shared a birthday with one of them, but instead, they will always be little reminders to us of you. I didn't know how I would feel today little one, how my heart would ache. I've accepted that your little life was taken from us before we ever got to know you, but somedays it's hard to let you go. You were a precious gift from God, straight from His heart to mine and to your Daddy's. I was overwhelmed at my first thought of you and to some extent, I still am. You will always hold such a special place in our hearts and one day, we have great hope that we'll see you in Heaven. But for now, I find much comfort in remembering you and the day you were first known to us. You were mine and I was your Mom. Little one, no one else shares that bond that you and I do. You'll always be my first baby, my first pregnancy, my first experience at being a mom. I love that we share that. It's a memory that no one can take away from me. Your Daddy and I love you and we always will. We have great plans to introduce you to your brothers or sisters someday, but only the Lord knows when or how. We will trust Him with our dreams just as we trusted Him with you. Thank you for the difference you made in our hearts; for the way you've helped us to trust in what we cannot see and for the way you've drawn us closer to our Savior. We will never forget you little one, and now we long for the day when we will get to know you and see you in the fullness of Jesus' presence and His glory. Oh what a day that will be!

Remembering You Always and With all my love,

Your Mommy

It's going to be a looong summer...

I found myself in a theater last night, thinking this very thought, Lord help me live through this summer! I was playing the part of the sweet wife, accompanying my excited husband, to yet another super-hero/marvel comic movie. Iron Man. The #1 movie at the box office this weekend. Yep, we were there.

I had absolutely no idea when I met Travis that he had a thing for super-hero/comic book movies. NO IDEA. I quickly realized however, that he loves watching movies in general. He loves to go to the theater, to watch them on TV, to rent them, etc. If you know Travis, you also know that he maintains an incredible database of movie quotes in his head! He is able to recall the most obscure lines from a movie and quote them in the perfect way, usually in conjunction with some talk he's giving.

Now I also like movies, but I'm not nearly as into them as he is. Going to a movie is probably one of his favorite dates. I could think of several things I'd rather spend the money on first, but to make my husband happy, I often cave and go to the movies with him, trying not to cringe when we have to fork $18 over for tickets. Usually we can agree on a movie to see. I've learned to appreciate action/adventure movies, like the Die Hard trilogy, and epic movies, like Lord of the Rings. Those are both examples of movies I NEVER would have chosen to watch, but in the end, and much to my dismay, I really enjoyed them. However, there is one genre that I have yet to get excited about, despite the library I've been forced to see. That is the super-hero genre.

I just don't get the appeal. It's basically the same plot, different super-hero power. The main character is always tortured, secluded from society, and dealing with the tragic deaths of their parents/wife/children, etc. They discover their ability to use their power, often for good at first but usually dabbling in evil as well. I don't even have to see them anymore to tell you, that's exactly what's happening. I've lived through, Spiderman 1, 2 and 3; Batman Begins; Superman Returns; The Hulk; X-Men 1, 2, and 3; Fantastic Four 1 and 2; etc., etc., etc.

Anyway, I knew NOTHING about Iron Man when I agreed to go last night and it was of course just what I described, with a few disturbing twists and turns here and there. Travis loved it. However, the worst part of my evening was not watching the actual movie, but watching the endless previews and realizing what lies in store for me this summer. Batman: The Dark Knight (with an incredibly disturbing Heath Ledger as the Joker); Indiana Jones (with the very old looking Harrison Ford); Speed Racer (the dorkiest version possible); and the most disturbing of them all, The Incredible Hulk, 2.0. Apparently the first remake was so bad (and it was) that they decided to torture me again, with yet another remake. Instead of Eric Bana, this time it's Ed Norton.

I can't hardly wait for what's in store for me. The ONLY good news is that by watching the aforementioned movies with my husband, I will have earned a truckload of chick flicks coming my way! But until then, Lord help me get through it!

My Restless Mind

As you can see, my blog is now different. It's very bright. I am not exactly thrilled with what I have done, but I do like it better than what I started with. I've got a few things left to do to feel satisfied, but I've decided this is my new "summer look." I was trying to explain to Travis why this was so pressing to me and why I was so intent on changing things up. When we first got married, he would have never understood what I meant. Now, almost 5 years later, he totally gets me. Well, maybe not "gets me" but he graciously "puts up" with me and doesn't make me feel weird. Although I know I am. And he knows it too. But he wisely leaves it unspoken. You see, this need for constant change is nothing new...

Before I ever decided to major in Interior Design, I had the mind and the creative need for it. Just ask my parents. I spent countless days and lots of summers, totally re-arranging everything in their house. Lucky for me, they were both great at letting me try new things and letting me experiment with their furniture and their rooms. I can't tell you how many times they left for work in the morning and when they got home at night, the house looked completely different. I think about that a lot and how I would react if my kids did that to me...I think I would have a fit! But they never did. They just always got this look on their face like, "Here we go, she's at it again." I remember them always asking for an update about where things are kept now and I would very proudly explain the new system and why it was superior to the last one. I still do this to them. If I am home, and we are not planning someone's wedding, I am most likely helping them re-decorate, re-arrange, or clean something. I'd like to think it's my spiritual gift. My poor Mom knows that no visit home is complete, without me walking around and changing something. She just expects is now and even prefaces statements by saying, "I know you're probably going to change it, but I thought this looked good in..." And it usually does. But I still usually tweak it a little. I just have to.

When Travis and I got married, I think he must have died the first time I told him, "I cannot sleep tonight with the living room looking like this, so we've got to change it." I distinctly remember the look on his face in those early days. A look that said, "Are you kidding me right now? You think I'm going to do that?" Me, being a new bride of course, would get completely upset at his lack of motivation and his obvious disrespect for my feelings and I'd launch into a 20 minute discourse about why I was right and how he could not possibly care about me if he was unwilling to agree that the current angle our couch was facing was not creating an inviting atmosphere in our home. I mean the nerve of him to suggest it was!!

I'm pretty sure we almost came to blows a few times until both of us realized that we were going to have to figure this out. He recognized that I really was crazy and determined to do it, with or without his help, and I realized that while perhaps I was right, it was probably best not to insist on an immediate change or to demand his help. I learned to do as much as I could, without asking if he cared (he never did), and then to ask him nicely for his help with just one or two things. It seemed to go much better this way. I lovingly explained my reasons for turning the house upside down and he patiently listened and even agreed with me, most of the time. But I also got smarter and began to recognize the feeling behind "that look" he would give me when I mentioned my big plans...I knew when he was going to be a willing participant and I also knew when I should suggest that he call a friend and spend the day at the golf course. Some jobs were just going to be frustrating and there was no sense in getting two of us involved if I could do it alone.

I'm happy to say that with every year and every move, Travis is starting to see me more like my parents do. He now knows that I need to get my creative outlet somehow and often that means re-arranging something. Sometimes it's furniture or bedding or a new paint job, but this weekend it was my blog. He doesn't fight with me or argue with me anymore (I think he's given up). He just listens to me rant, and rave, and reason, and then he smiles, gives me a kiss on the cheek and says, "Good luck with that...Let me know when you're done or if you need help...I'm going to call (insert name here) and see if they want to go golfing."

And I love him for that.

Under Construction!

Well, I know I said this blog would be messy for awhile as I tried to update it, but this is not what I had in mind! I have been spending an obscene amount of time looking for ways to re-decorate my blog and have become in one word, FRUSTRATED!!

There are lots of things out there to help you, but I am picky. I know that's a shock to you all, but I am pulling out my hair and am on the verge of a major meltdown over this!! I know, I know, "it's just a blog"...but I want the darn thing to look the way I want it and that is proving to be an impossible task.

Also, although I am in love with my mac, it is frustrating to try and learn a whole new operating system while trying to do internet stuff. I'm struggling without my learned ability to right-click!! And to top it all off, I'm having major internet issues today. We cannot seem to obtain and keep a good connection. I blame the weather.

It's rainy and cold today (story of my year). I don't know what Minnesota has done, but I'm starting to feel that the Lord is putting us through some kind of test by giving us the worst weather year in a long time. It's horrible! I think the sun has been out twice in the last week! TWICE!! That is not helping me keep what little evidence of a tan I had. It's all gone in fact. From this point on, any color I may or may not have is going to be fake.

So there you have it, the ramblings of a cranky girl on a gross and frustrating day. Stay tuned to the blog...I sure hope it gets better than this!

It's Here!!!

I don't have time to blog about this now, but let me just tell you that my Mac arrived last night and was waiting at our door when we got home from Church!!! I'm so thrilled and I'm dying to sit down and "play" but I can't yet..not until I get home from work at least! So for now, I'll leave you with my pictures (of course I made Travis document the event!) You had better believe that I will be blogging tonight but let's all mark this occasion...My first post from my new computer!! Have a great day!