Another Summer, Another JAM Camp!

Since junior high camp is so fresh in my mind, I thought I would start my backwards glance at the month of June with my own thoughts about another year of camp.  Remarkably, this year was our 7th time to lead JAM camp at Grace.  I can't hardly believe that!!  I remember when Travis came on staff and we faced that inaugural summer with the prized tradition of JAM camp (it's named after our junior high ministry) handed to him.  We had no idea what it entailed to pull one off, but it was clearly communicated to us by students and parents that this was the "holy grail" of student ministries and whatever we decided to do, we better not mess it up!!  I'm sort of joking, but not totally :)  There was some serious pressure to continue it and to make every summer better than the last one.  Thankfully, my man LOVES the idea of summer camp and had a few camps under his belt before we moved to Minnesota.  But even with his love for camps and adventure, there was a huge learning curve and we quickly realized the beast that camp planning is.  We basically rent a camp facility for the week and we bring our own staff, counselors, programming, worship, rec choices, etc. in addition to tons of students!  It's SOOOO much work, but we are grateful that the Lord has continued to bless it and that He's shown Trav where changes needed to be made and how to best communicate those over the years.  We always have lots of people, with lots of opinions about how it should run, and it will never be all things to all people, however I do think it's a pretty great camp!  And after another year in the books, I can say once again that the results of camp always outweigh the work! 

So, without further ado, here some of my personal highlights from JAM camp 2012...

We returned for our 4th year to a camp in southern Minnesota and the Lord gave us an incredible week of weather!!  It was sunny and hot, with no rain and only one terribly hot day.  It was a perfect week for playing in the lake and being outside!  For 4 years now, Ava has enjoyed coming for a week of camp with the junior highers and for Carter, this was his 2nd year.

 It was my easiest packing year so far, I was finally able to leave some of the baby gear at home, but it was definitely NOT my most relaxing week!  ha ha!!

 These two little nuts were BUSY BEES who required constant monitoring.  They wanted to be outside 24/7 and thought nothing of taking off to explore the grounds on their own.  I did a whole lot of chasing this year!  Not to mention activity planning of my own :)

 But as you can see, they were pretty happy with most of my choices for them!

Oh man, do we love this kid!

Not to mention this little princess! 

3rd summer wearing that hat, 4th summer wrapping up in that towel :)

And the 2nd summer we had the joy of bringing Grammy with us!!  I somehow managed to talk my Mom into coming again as our camp nurse and let me say it publicly, THANK YOU MOM FOR AGREEING TO DO IT!!!  First of all, it's extremely helpful and wise to have an actual nurse filling that role!  I got stuck with it for two years and both years, I spent more time on the phone calling her and asking her what to do, than I did off the phone.  We usually have at least one or two incidents that require judgement calls, in addition to a slew of kids on all kinds of meds.  It's SO NICE to have my Mom with us to do what she does best.  Secondly, it's totally fun for the kids to have Grammy with us all week!  They loved waking up to see her everyday and playing with her whenever they want.  And finally, I LOVE having my Mom with me all week too, mostly because she makes me laugh constantly!  And with a week of junior high and senior high kids, there are plenty of opportunities to do that :) Especially when "imagined injuries and mysterious illnesses" are involved!  Most kids that come visit the nurse have legitimate reasons to be there.  However, there are always some who just need a little drama in their world or who are simply homesick and looking for a little comfort.  We do our best to determine which camp they might fall into and help them through it, but at least several times a day after a student comes to visit us, we wait til they leave and then burst into laughter over whatever they just told us.  We've decided we need a bottle of "magic medicine" to treat some of these kids.  For example, one student came to tell us that he "didn't really sleep all night because his cabin was loud, and now he didn't feel very good."  Hmm, ok...Not too sure what you think we can do about that??  Perhaps it would be a better idea to actually sleep at night???  Or at least take a nap during free time??  At that point, it would be nice to just hand them a pill and tell them, here you go!  Here is your magic fix!  Seriously, I'm joking about that but it is interesting to see how much our society has moved toward this "I need a pill to fix it" idea.  The camp nurse is a busy lady, way more than when I was a camper!  We've decided next year we need to make some more modifications to her job description!  Thanks Mom!!!

Can anyone spot Carter???

There he is!  We took a toddler with us to camp, but by the time we left, he morphed into a little boy! 

Cars, balls, and anything dangerous was the name of Carter's game this week!

He was the one who kept me on my toes, always begging me to go "owwsiiiidddde???"

So grown up, and yet, never too big for a cheese stick and a danimal :)

Back to free-wheeling down the hill!

 The building that we get to stay in is right next to the chapel, which is totally fun for my kids because they get to see the students all the time.  I believe they were waiting for mail time in this photo :)

 My cousin Jenny faithfully sends us mail EVERY year and my kiddos loved it this year!!  We make the students do embarrassing things to get their mail, so of course we had to do it too.  They asked for a funny story about us dating, so Travis filled them in on my horrifying story about throwing up all over him while we were on a Ferris wheel together...Yes, so happy to re-live that and share it with all the kids!  Ha ha!

This little girl was missing her dress-up gear in a big way (making do with that necklace and her headband) and Jenny seemed to have a solution in mind for her!!

She got a hula skirt, fairy wings and a wand that she religiously wore for the rest of the week during playtime!  Thanks Jen!!  You nailed it :) Carter also loved his squirt guns but wouldn't stand still long enough for a picture, imagine that!

 Best camp director and Junior High Pastor I know!!  7 years of camp pictures together :)

 The lake was a popular place to be this year!  Ava played in the water one day, but Carter was not a fan so we stayed in their little pool mostly.  It's a nice lake but unfortunately, it's pretty rocky on the beach and the shoreline...Kind of hard to run around on with little feet.

Beautiful to look at everyday, however!

With the addition of our kids, camp has turned into a different experience for me over the years.  I used to be more involved, part of lots of activities, and present for all the chapel times, but now I pop in when I can when I'm not playing with these littles or if it's something we can do too. 

It was a hard transition to make the first years, especially with babies, because I felt like I missed everything and I was stuck inside a lot.  But each year has become more flexible and I've embraced the freedom to participate when I want and just enjoy watching from the sidelines.  Now it's fun in a new way, watching my kids take it all in and look forward to the fun they get to have. 

 I love to give them a front row seat to the shaving cream war, where they can watch all the craziness unfold!

Of course their Daddy was a big target!! 

 Carter was trying to take it in...

...but they both had a good deal of curiosity over the white stuff all over their Dad!

 We always set up a big slip and slide afterwards for the kids to enjoy and wash off with. 

 It's chaotic fun at it's best!

Ava decided she wanted to try it and her first run with Trav was a hit!

 After some convincing, we even got Carter to do it and he loved it too!  You can't tell from these pics, but it's a very long slide and it goes incredibly fast!

My friend Lisa's son, Cayden.  This was his last camp, which was sad, but I think he had a fun week too!

 He loves my kids and they love him too.  We will miss him greatly!  He volunteered in their rooms at Church a lot and has never been too cool to play with with when we came over.

 Thanks for loving Ava and Carter, Cayden!  They sure love you!!

Carter enjoyed the big swings this year, which was fun for him!

He's getting braver by the minute and it's so sweet to watch.  I love this picture of him!

Of course Ava already knew she loved the swings and she had a blast there all week.

Carter came to camp sick, with croup.  It suddenly came on the night before we left, so we were at the pharmacy right before we left!  He did pretty well, considering I know he didn't feel good.  Thankfully he slept very well all week, but he was a little fussier than normal.  It cracked me up to see his little head pop up every morning, always with that paci and giraffe :) He's tough, but he's still my baby!!

Ava, on the other hand, played hard and slept hard!  She was out like a light every night and took some great naps too.  Camp wore her out and by the end of the week, she had a bad cough too.  I'm happy to say that it's getting better by the day, but she definitely played herself out!!

Cute pic of some shaving cream war casualties!

 Our program time at night was so fun!  They did some crowdbreaker games every night that involved some serenades to popular songs.  This was a sibling serenade night, we had 19 sets of siblings at camp this year!  My cousins kids Emily and Natalie were lip-synching to a Taylor Swift song :) Hilarious!  It was a big hit all week!

I love this picture for so many reasons.  I've been asked before, why do I go to camp with the kids?  Why not stay home and avoid all the work?  I'm not sure I have a short answer for that, but this moment is one of the reasons.  It's good for us to be together as much as we can.  Ministry takes their Daddy away a lot, so whenever we can join him, we try to.  It's good for the kids and I to feel like we have a part of what Daddy does, even if it's just to support him and pray for him while he serves, but it's also good for Trav when we are there.  He can feel free to invest in the students with us around, and not feel guilty about us being stuck at home or feeling neglected.  I'm so grateful that the leadership of our Church also encourages us to go to camp and to be involved, without pressuring us either.  They value our ministry as a family and recognize how important it is (more than ever before) for kids to see what a healthy, (hopefully) God-honoring family looks like.  It's beneficial for them to see our marriage at work, to watch us parent and to see us being stretched and pulled in many directions.  Hopefully they are able to see that we love the Lord and we value His Word and our time with Him.  I also hope they see that our kids take priority over ministry.  Travis is a husband and Daddy first, not just a youth pastor.  He loves the students well, but I appreciate that he also demonstrates his loyalty to us as well.  Families are falling apart and many of our kids come from broken homes these days....

...we certainly aren't perfect and they get to see us in stressful situations sometimes, but I hope we also set an example for them in the way that we love each other and serve the Lord.  Before we had kids, we brought our dog Ryley to camp with us.  He and the kids serve a similar purpose, they open up lots of conversation with students who can relate to or are drawn to them.  I've had some very sweet conversations with students because of the door that playing with our kids, opens.  I'm so thankful that Travis includes us as part of his ministry team and that he doesn't view the kids as distractions, like other people might.  These years will be part of Ava and Carter's stories too, how they view their Daddy and Mommy and what they think of the Lord.  It's a constant balancing act to know when we need to back away and when to participate, but I'm grateful that Travis has such a laid back personality and that he is willing to let Ava and Carter climb and play on him, even when he's doing some last minute prep :) They sure love their Daddy!

Ava sat and listened to him several times throughout the week and did a great job being still.  I often wonder what that's like for her??  I didn't grow up with a Dad who was a Pastor or ever feeling like I had to share him.  It's something that I pray about for both of them...Thankful that the Lord will use this experience someway to draw them to Him!

I'm also grateful for the many upper classman and 20's who come back to be counselors for us.  They do an INCREDIBLE job and it means the world to the students who get to be loved by them, and led by them.  It's so great for our students to have older, Godly examples to emulate and watch because they really are wanting to be like their counselors someday.  Our staff has done an excellent job at being choosey about who we bring and who is willing to live up to the standards we require for the week.  The group we had this year were wonderful and a huge blessing.  That job is not an easy one!

 The highlight of the week for us is always on the last day, when we hear about what camp meant to them and when we get to witness some kids get baptized.  It truly is amazing what happens in the course of a week.  I heard a sweet lady say recently, that God meets lots of kids at camp and I think she's right.  For junior high students especially, to be away from home for a week, away from distractions, siblings, parents, etc. it really is one of the first times they show some independence and begin wrestling with what the Lord means to them personally.  Lots of them ask incredible questions, begin reading the Bible on their own, and make decisions toward what will be a lifetime journey with Jesus as their Savior and Lord.  They may be young, but they are capable of depth and insight and it is a joy to watch that unfold.

 There is quite a bit of craziness that happens at camp and we enjoy that, but it's all a gateway for kids to encounter the Lord and begin to grow in their faith.  If we have to cover ourselves in shaving cream or jump in chocolate filled pools just so we can break down barriers and build trust, we will!! Clarification, Travis will!  Ha ha! Ultimately we long for each student for know, love and trust Jesus Christ for the rest of their lives and everything we do is toward that end.  The Lord was working this year and we have heard some big stories from kids who experienced Him in a personal way.  We praise Him for that, He is the one who draws people to Himself and anything that is good about camp is because of His grace and provision!  More of Him, less of us...Definitely the way we prefer it and the truth behind any successesful years we have.

It was a great week and we survived! 123 kids and 30 staff or so??  It was a huge group, our biggest yet, but I'm glad it's over however because we are exhausted :) Can you see why??  We did stop for a little treat on the way home,  because I think these campers deserved it and my Mom and I couldn't take the whining and crying anymore!  Ha ha!  So, another summer and another JAM camp under our belts.  To God be the glory for 2012, great things He has done!!   

Hi, My Name is Stephanie...

...I'm not sure if you remember me or not, but I used to be the author of this blog??  There was a day when I mananged to make some time for an update here or there, an opinion or two, at the very least some pictures...but the month of June was not kind in its' distribution of me time!  I have longed to sit down and recap what's been going on, but honestly I've had to make choices lately between screen time and real life, and as it should, real life with my people won out!  So, although the last day of June fell off the calendar yesterday, I'm still in the thick of a wild, summer schedule.  I'm giving myself the gift of a little break from working while my house naps this afternoon, and I thought I'd sit down and write a little bit...I hope that was a good decision :)

In the spirit of full disclosure regarding my physical/emotional state, I'm also eating some chocolate for coping purposes while I type...just keepin it real :)

I'm not even sure where to begin except to say, June has been an experience!  In the course of one month we went on a week long vacation to Wisconsin with my family, attended many grad parties over each weekend, Travis ran his first marathon in Duluth, we celebrated Father's Day, we all worked at and attended VBS for a week, and 2 days later we took 123 students + 25?? staff to JAM camp for a week...Is that enough activity to warrant my extreme exhaustion???  Not only have we been physically tired from a grueling month, but emotionally I've been all over the map too. We are in the thick of a hard season with our kids...nothing more than the normal challenges of life with a 1 year old and a 3 year old, but in case you forgot what that season of life was like, let me remind you...it's hard!  My Mom gave me some good perspective the other day, reminding me that the grass is not always greener, just because they're older!  She said someone once told her, "Little kids= little problems.  Big kids= Bigger problems!"  She wasn't trying to bum me out, but reminding me that every season brings it's own set of challenges and this parenting thing doesn't necessarily get easier, just different and more intense.  However, as she recently experienced with me at camp, right now in this season it's exhausting to keep both of them entertained, fed, healthy and safe, in addition to nuturing them, loving them, disciplining them, encouraging them and teaching them at all hours of the day and night.  They are a handful right now and if we were just doing "normal everyday life" it would be tiring, but on top of all this transition and activity, it's been overwhelming.  Especially for me.  With the exception of vacation, Travis has been so busy that while he's "with" us on some of these trips, he's not able to be totally "with us."  Does that make sense?  That's not a passive aggressive attack on him, this is simply his busiest time of the year and even though we both prep for it and try to mentally prepare, it's just not easy to live it well.  He's got a lot on his plate and so do I.  In fact, as I type this, I'm feeling a little bit fragile, hence the chocolate!  I'm tired, we just got home from camp on Friday night.  Yesterday we tried to recover a little bit and I started the massive amounts of laundry, but today we have to re-pack him as he prepares to leave again on Tuesday for 10 days in Israel.  Yes, ISRAEL!!!  What??? 

He has an amazing opportunity to go with a group of Seniors from our student ministry as they tour the Holy Land and pack a lifetime trip into 10 days.  It will be a memory maker for sure and I'm excited for him to soak it all up...but as he prepares to leave, I can't help but feel overwhelmed.  Coming off of camp, the timing of this trip is not great, and yet, I don't want him to feel guilty about going and I don't want to complain when I know how awesome this trip is and that it's not something most people ever get to do.  But if I'm honest, I feel like I could cry when I think of parenting without him for 10 days :) If I didn't know and believe that the Lord will be faithful to me and help me get through it, I would probably just fall apart.  I'm tired.  He's tired.  The kids are tired, and sick.  And the enemy is all over us right now.  Why wouldn't he be??  We are a great target on the heels of a busy month and it's not easy to keep our guard up.  I have been trying to remember that when I've wanted to snap at the kids or throw my hands up and crawl in bed to escape...he's on the prowl and I'm determined not to give him any ground to stand on. 

So in two days, I'll put Trav on a plane to Jerusalem and then I'll transition to the other pull on my heart this week.  I'm down to just a few days left to spend with my dearest friend before she and her family move on Saturday to California.  Again, the timing of all of this...not great!  I've been dreading this week for months and here it is...Joy over Trav's opportunity, grief over saying goodbye to my friend.  My friend Lisa and her family came on staff at our Church just months before we did.  Although we were in much different stages with our kids and our lives, the Lord has knit our hearts together over time and especially since I was pregnant with Ava.  She has been a source of love, encouragement, truth, and support and I will miss her with everything in me.  We have spent so much time together in the last two years...I frankly can't drive down her street without crying right now. But, God had different plans for her family and I know He will use them to bless their new Church and to point them to Jesus.  He's been so faithful to them, working so clearly to move them and providing along every step of the way...I know this is right and His Word tells us that His plans are always better, always for His glory and our good, but it's certainly not easy.  It hurts to say goodbye to a friend...

Life reminds me right now, of those All-State commercials that say, "When life comes at you hard, All-state will be there."  Although I'm sure All-state is a fine insurance company for whatever services it provides, it is not the anchor for my soul.  I am thankful that I do indeed have an anchor for my soul, and His name is Jesus.  So when life feels likes it's coming at me hard, I can say with confidence that the Lord is here.  He is graciously giving me enough strength to get through each day, He's been working in some incredible ways in situations that I thought were hopeless, and He's meeting me right where I am, providing hope and rest for my weary soul. 

This has been a month!  It's held such joy, it's also held some grief...I do plan to recap the highlights with some pictures and stories...our families have been starved for both :) But honestly, I'm putting one foot in front of another right now and asking the Lord for more grace by the minute.  And He's giving it to me in abundance... 

This blog of mine has been pretty quiet for a reason and now you know why!  But I did feel a little pull to hop on here and fill you in, considering I've had like 4 people in the last week tell me that they read my blog faithfully and appreciate it.  Thank you for that...Sometimes it does feel like such a chore and yet, it is a great release for me to write and I love that we have this as a family journal for the last few years.  Sometimes I even go back and read old entries, just to remind myself of how the Lord has met us and answered us and grown us over the years.  I always love to hear when something I post touches somebody else, not because I'm looking for some affirmation or praise, but because often God has used my own pain or hard seasons to speak truth to someone else and I know that is ALL HIM and none of me.  I also know how much it means to ME when someone ministers to me through their blog or their life...Sometimes I think we all can use a little encouragement to keep pressing into the Lord and to trust Him, even in the dark places.  He is our hope, He is the light for our path, and He is all we need.  I don't know what June held for you (good, bad or ugly) but on this first day of July I am praying that you'll seek the Lord  with me in this new month ahead...Lots of changes on our horizon, but all of it is under His Sovereignty and control and that is a good place for it to be, don't you agree? 

I hope you have a wonderful end to your Sunday and a blessed week!  I've missed you blog friends, I hope we can get reaccquainted again soon.  Pray for us when you think of us, we have a few big things on our schedule in the coming weeks.  As the grind of summer beckons, I want so badly for us to enjoy this time too and seek the graces of God in it.  He's the anchor...He's the hope!!  Hold on tightly to Him and loosely to everything else...

I'm a fellow struggler :)

Grace to you...

"God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope offered to us may be greatly encouraged.  We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.  It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf..."  Hebrews 6:18-20

When the Aunts and Uncles Come to Town

Before we even left for our vacation, we had a fun weekend with all of my family coming into town to see us.  Because we all live apart from one another, we don't get these weekends very often when we're all in one place, especially in Minnesota.  Travis and I love having everyone here, although it's always a little bittersweet that we just don't have enough room for everyone to stay with us comfortably.  Someday, I hope...

The kids were THRILLED to wake up on Saturday morning to see Aunt Stacie and Uncle Jesse in their jammies.  They wasted no time at all to make themselves comfortable in their laps and arms! 

Carter's favorite book

 Lovin those snuggles with her favorite South Carolina residents :)

In all of 20 minutes, Travis and I were old news!

Later in the day, Aunt Jennie and Uncle Dave came to town too!

We waited for my parents to arrive then did a little shopping and eating out together.

Reunited and it feels so good!!

We went to one of our favorite restaurants and ate outside on their patio in *perfect* weather!!  God really blessed us from beginning to end with amazing weather.  Sunny, hot days and cool nights.  Just how I prefer summer to be!

This little guy was eating up all the extra attention.  This was one of our first times together when Carter has really been able to recognize everyone and understand what is happening.  That is a mixed bag of blessings, ha ha!!

We stopped by Travis' fave fro-yo spot...

Stacie and I felt the need to photograph our bowls of goodness!

We capped off our first night together at a park by one of our many beautiful lakes.

Carter played at the park with his aunts and uncles...

....while Ava stayed on the dock with Daddy and my Dad, watching some people catch fish.

We had lots of errands to run before we left town and Carter felt he really should be the one to drive us all around :) We've totally reached the "driving" stage with him.  It's his favorite thing to do whenever we go somewhere and if we don't let him get a few minutes behind the wheel (without the keys and while it's in park) he has a massive meltdown.  And when I say massive, I mean epic.  Screaming, shouting "no" and taking swings at us.  You know, lots of fun!  So, as we work through that stage, we usually give him 5 minutes to pretend and it's working for all of us :)  

Ava sure loves her Grammy and Grampy!! 

Just for the record's sake,  I prefer to do all the driving, while my children are safely buckled in their seats.  Too bad that's not what they prefer!!

 We got to spend Sunday at Church with everyone, but since we didn't take any pictures that day, these are all I have.  The tooth-brushing twins :)

They're getting pretty good at all of those daily routines and they had quite an audience to show off their skills to! 

I think the best part of going on vacation is the arrival of family and all the prep work that goes into it.  The anticipation of the week ahead and all the fun you'll have is one of the best feelings ever.  It's like the week before Christmas!  I love having my family at my house and I wish I had the opportunity to host them more.  Considering all the heartache we were feeling over my Grandpa, this time together was a gift.  And it was only just beginning...

Missing This...

It's never easy to come home from a week of vacation.  Especially when it's been a good one!  We've had a wonderful week away with my family, nestled in the Wisconsin hills at our Church's retreat center.  The Lord gave us amazing weather every single day and we truly had such a relaxing time together.  It's been a week of roller-coaster emotions however.  When we left last weekend, we were heading out on frazzled nerves and the expectation of hard news.  Our Grandpa's health took a nose dive right before we left and within hours we were saying goodbye, having much needed conversations, and reconciling some hard things from the last 10 years.  I can't even begin to process all that transpired and how the Lord has been working in and through all of it.  He has been very, very gracious to us and in his kindness, He gave us some incredibly timely conversations with our Grandpa.  Right now, his health has gotten a little better but he is still teetering on life and death.  For now, we've been given more time with him and we are very, very grateful. 

So, to say this vacation was needed, is an understatement.  The normal grind of life and work and school and church left all of us hungry to get away, but with the added emotions of my Grandpa's failing health, it was a gift from the Lord that we were able to spend the week together, off the grid, so to speak.  We had 5 days in Wisconsin and a couple days in Minnesota together, but today we've all gone our separate ways and are slowly integrating back to reality.  And that part stinks.  It's hard to leave the fun and sun behind, hard to say good-bye to family and hard to go back to being hundreds of miles apart.  I was telling my friend yesterday that this is when I start waxing philosophically about Heaven and how I long for it more and more as I get older and as I grasp a better understanding of what awaits us.  But today, I'm praising God for the memories we made this week and the glimpses of His glory and Sovereignty we experienced. He is the author of life and death the true source of our joy and peace.

And He is good...

All the time.

 We are missing the pool today!!  And all of our undivided family time together.  Today is really the start of our wild, jam packed summer.  Life gets very, very busy for Travis now so I'm taking this day to ask the Lord to help me transition to our summer schedule with JOY and excitement, having just experienced a week of rest and time together. 

 Our kids were in 7th Heaven this week!  They got so much play time and had the attention of their aunts, uncles and grandparents all day, every day so you can imagine that they LOVED it!!

 We marveled at how big they seemed this year and at how much they were able to do with us.  I adore them in their little sun hats and suits.  I love summer and I'm so glad it's here!!  As is no surprise, we have over 1,000 pictures between all of us, isn't that crazy???  I've looked at every single one today and I'm so happy we have them. 

I've got lots of posts to do this week, so get ready for an onslaught of photos :)

We had a great vacation and enjoyed the break from "life" it afforded us.  Today is a bittersweet day, but all part of the process of being gone and returning home again.  The kids and I stayed home from Church this morning as we are nursing some sore throats, runny noses and a need for more sleep!  I've got laundry to keep me busy, a house to put back together again, grad parties to go to and Trav has a meeting for summer camp tonight.  Ready or not, here we go!! 

Wishing you a blessed start to your summer and a day to "be still and know that He is God."  I'm sipping my second cup of coffee and enjoying the sounds of worship music filling our home.  Tomorrow I think I'll be ready to say that it's good to be home again, but today, I'm still missing what was a very fun week away. 

Happy Summer, friends!!

A Post in Which I Link Potty Training, Worship and Jeremiah.

Fair warning, the above mentioned things may not make any sense in the same blog post. 

But it's Friday. 

And I'm trying it anyway.  You've been warned :)

You may recall this picture from a couple of weeks ago.  We had a sad and sick little girlie on our hands and for several days, this is what she did.

I'm no fan of being sick myself, but it as painful to watch your children be sick.  I just hate to see their sad little faces, and to watch them toss and turn in discomfort.  Perhaps the worst part of the whole thing however, is trying to explain to them why they can't eat or drink anything for awhile, when you know they can't possibly understand and they look at you with such confusion thinking, "Why would you withhold food from me, Mommy??"  It's horrible.

And yet, if there is a silver lining in the whole "being sick" thing, it is a little bit nice to get those extra naps out of them and a string of days where they want to cuddle.  I didn't mind slowing down the pace of our week or just being home with no plans.  That actually felt like a little gift.  But as I did one load of laundry after another for 4 days (mostly sheets, towels and clothes that bore the evidence of sickness) I was one happy Mommy to see that chapter close for Miss Ava! 

But then a few days later, when I thought we were through it, this little monkey threw up and soon he was relegated to the couch in it's "covered with an old sheet to prevent stains" glory :)

Gratefully, his sickness appeared to be an isolated incident and it wasn't long before he was off the sheet and back in action. 

(insert the Hallelujuah chorus here)

So a few days later, when Memorial Day weekend rolled around, you can imagine our extra motivation to do a little "spring cleaning" (aka:disinfecting) around here.  My sweet, sweet husband agreed and embraced the joy of steam cleaning all of our carpets.  I typically hire someone to do this twice a year, but we gave it a shot ourselves this time and it was not too bad. 

After these last few months of potty training and their recent bouts of throwing up, we were practically giddy to give those carpets a once over with some steam and a deep cleaner.  It was, dare I say, "fun" to see those carpets stain free and to sleep at night knowing that they had been deep cleaned. 

 For three days our house looked like this, everything stacked on beds, chairs and couches so that we could clean and let everything dry.  It was not our most "exciting" holiday weekend, but it was deeply satisfying.

 And considering that these carpets are:

a. cheap

b. very light in color

c. 9 years old

d. on their last legs having survived a golden retriever and two juice wielding toddlers...

I'd say they look pretty good!  Travis did a great job and all the hours we spent to do our entire condo were definitely worth it. 

So, you must know where I'm going with this, right???

I will preface this portion of the story by saying, I hate potty training. 

Hate. It.

I am not looking for sympathy or tales of how easy it was for your children or that you did it in a day.  For one thing, I don't believe you and furthermore, I'm convinced older moms have forgotten what this stage was like.  Sort of like childbirth.  You know you did it, but in hindsight you've forgotten some of the pain.  Because this is not a sprint that happens overnight.  This is more of a marathon that goes on and on.  We've got the basics down pat.  For months in fact.  It's just the random accidents and regressions that are killing me, slowly and painfully.  I'm hear to tell you that I will be dancing in the streets when this stage is over.  I will also be paying top dollar to anyone who wants to take Carter for as long as it takes and deliver him back to our doorstep when he is ready to go.  Ok, I'm joking about that part, but not about the dancing.  Or the paying. I will pay BIG money to anyone who is game and when I no longer have to keep track of who is doing what with their bowel movements and when or where they are doing it, I will be dancing.  Dancing!!  And then moving from one set of headaches to another, right?? 

Ok, speaking of regressing...back to my story. 

I do remember having a conversation with myself while we were cleaning the carpets that went something like this:

"Self, you know these carpets can't stay spotless like this forever.  There will be a day soon, when one of your beloved children, or your darling husband or worse yet, YOU, spills something on them.  How are you going to handle that self??  Don't freak out.  If they cleaned up once, they'll clean up again.  So enjoy their stain-free state now but don't get too attached."

So yes, I tried to mentally prepare.  I really did. 

But then Wednesday happened.  It was early in the morning and I was awakened from my perfectly good, deep sleep to this conversation: "Ava, what are you doing up?  Have you been in our room for awhile?  What are doing?  Are you dry?  Did you go potty?  In the toilet?  ON OUR FLOOR???" 

Oh, Heaven help me.  Who wants to wake up from a wonderfully unrealistic dream sequence, to that??  It was just an accident.  It was one of many.  It could have been worse.  She knew she didn't move fast enough. I was on top of it quickly.  But sadly, it didn't stop me from spitting and sputtering, sighing obnoxiously loudly, and lecturing a little 3 year old about where we go to the bathroom and where we do NOT go.  It wasn't my best morning to put it delicately. 

As I scrubbed and huffed and puffed, my 3 year old blessing from the Lord came over to me and bent down beside me.  She tilted her head to catch my eye and in a soft, little voice she said...

"Mama, do you always love me so, so much?"

Yes. She. Did.

To which I swallowed hard and thought...

"Ouch. With a capitol O."

After I let that sink in and did some quick assessing of my poor parenting, I scooped her up and assured her that yes, I do always love her, even when she disobeys or has an accident.  I always love her because Jesus has always loved me, when I'm "good" and when I'm "bad."  It doesn't matter how I perform, I'm never "good enough" and He's already paid the price to redeem me.  While all of that is true, it did make me realize again that try as hard as I might to always love my daughter, there are times when I fail.  Because I'm human, there are limits to my human ability to love and I will never be able to love her in truly un-conditional way. 

But thankfully, God can and does.  Where I am weak, He is strong.  His power is made perfect in my weakness and in that moment, my weakness was very apparent. 

In a perfectly ordained way, I got some much needed time in the Word and worship that day.  We had a scheduled worship night at our Church, with our student worship team and I had already hired a babysitter so I could go and participate.  It was just the night my soul needed.  The whole thing was wonderful, I was blown away by our students and the team that led us, buy mostly in awe of the Lord.  I chose this picture from a photographer friend who was there, because this song (One Thing Remains) was the song that stood out in my mind all night and reminded me of how incomplete my love is compared to God's.  These three lyrics have run through my head a thousand times since Wednesday and have given me extra doses of patience and long suffering this week as I've recognized the Gospel driven love of my Savior that motivates me and empowers me to extend it to those I love most.  His love never fails, it never gives us, it never runs out on me.

It doesn't fail me when I fail Him.  It doesn't give up on me when I've blown it again.  It doesn't run out when I've used up my second, third, fourth and fifth chance. 

 So yesterday, when another chance for me to display patience and love came up, I embraced it and together we reached a HUGE potty training goal we've been working towards for months.  It's been our last big hold-out, so to speak.  And just like that, with me cheering her along and patiently serving her, she did it!  And if she did it, I promised her the farm as a reward, because let's face it, I am no longer capable of rational thoughts when it comes to potty training.  I've reached the bribery stage and I'm A-ok with that.  So, I told her we'd go to Target, pick out anything she wanted, and have a party!  I was banking on the fact that she is only 3 and she had no idea how much power I just lobbed in her court.  I mean what could she really choose that I couldn't creatively talk her out of???  Just as I expected she picked (another) princess dress-up dress to bring home.

 A "bootifull" dress just like "Tangled" wears. Sweet girl. 

 So we brought that dress home and she's been wearing it every minute since!  Sometimes with her crown on upside down even. 

I've learned another lesson this week in parenting (and potty training)...

I can't love them like they need to be loved, but with God's love flowing through me, He can. 

Accidents will always be part of our lives.  Today it's potty training, someday it will be breaking something I love, watching something we forbid, etc., etc.  If I'm not intentional to remember the cross, remember what He forgave me, then I'll never be able to forgive them. 

I love these little people God has allowed us to love and train up.  My carpets look nice, but in the grand scheme of life, what are clean carpets if I've done damage to impressionable hearts? 

I was reading in Jeremiah this week and today in chapter 3:

"Return, faithless Israel, declares the Lord,

I will frown on you no longer,

for I am merciful, declares the Lord,

I will not be angry forever...
Return faithless people, declares the Lord, for I am your husband...
How glady would I treat you like sons and give you desireable land, the most beautiful inheritance of any nation.  I thought you would call me Father and not turn away from following me...
Return, faithless people; I will cure you of backsliding...
If you've had an accident this week and ruined something that once was clean, or if being clean is your problem and it doesn't seem possible...
Know this today;
His love never fails, never gives up, never runs out on me and you. 
No where did He demostrate this more than at the cross, when He laid down His life, to make His enemies His children, sacrificing His perfect life to cleanse us from our deadly sin and to spare us from His Holy wrath.  Exchanging our sin for His righteousness and paying a debt we never could.  And all because of His love and mercy and grace, for us.  There is no greater love than that. 

And in case you're wondering, yes, we had a party.  With cupcakes. 
And this Mommy made sure a certain 3 year old knew we will always love her, no matter what she does. 
Happy Friday, Friends!  Have a blessed weekend!

Here is the song I was referencing.  "One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture