Signs of Hope

Surprisingly, this has been a good week.  Although I wouldn't wish for my kids to be sick, there has been something really sweet about just being home this week and doing nothing.  They are doing much, much better and we are grateful.  We're not totally back to normal but we're getting there.

It's fun to just watch them play (and sometimes fight) in their jammies all day.  Carter loves to push Ava's babies around and walk around with her strollers.  I'm not sure how, but we seem to be raising kids who are obsessed with pushing strollers??  Ava asks me daily for another stroller for her babies.  We already have a fleet, but apparently that is not enough :)

With each day this little peanut has been getting more and more life back in those eyes.

He has been my little shadow this week, which has been good and exhausting.  I do love all the extra snuggles but when he goes down for a nap or to bed at night, I won't tell you that I'm not glad for the break!

See what I mean about the stroller??  Here's my little shopper, reading magazines in bed with me and telling me what she'd like (today) for her birthday, which is in April :) Oh she makes me laugh!  She's been a little nut this week, I've loved watching her play too and realizing how quickly she is growing up.  I just about had a breakdown in Target today, realizing that she's almost 3.  I just game to grips with her being 2, how can I possibly embrace 3??  Before I know it we'll be talking about kindergarten and that very thought made my eyes well up with tears.  I'm not ready to send her yet!!

Thankfully we still have some years to go and some milestones, but we've also turned a big corner this week too.  Because we were home so much and it finally seemed like the right time, I jumped into full time potty training, this time with her big girl undies :) We've been doing pull-ups for awhile and she's done great, so it was time to make the move.  I got official and made her a chart...

...moved her potty into it's new spot...

...and promised 2 jelly beans for every successful time she went.

"Beans" as she calls them, also what she calls m&m's.

We had a few minor accidents yesterday but overall she is doing so well!!  We are terribly proud of her and almost shocked at how well she is doing.  I'm trying not to set myself up for thinking we won't have any relapses or big accidents, but I'm glad we waited until now to go full boar.  She does seem to be ready to do this.  

Of course now that she's potty training, she's also lobbying for her ability to drive.

And she has her sights set on Mexico, I think :) 

Her aunt Katy is getting married there in a couple of weeks, we all wish we were going!!

While I was vacuuming one afternoon, I came back to Ava's room to find her lined up on the floor with all of her babies.

I asked her what they were doing and she said they were going to "watch a movie."  Since there is no TV in her room, she actually asked me if they could listen to her "Booty and da Beast musik?" and of course I said yes.  She laid there and sang along to the soundtrack for awhile, it was pretty cute.

Meanwhile her brother had a little tea party...

...and used her baby's bunk beds to climb up into her bed.

But it didn't bother this little dreamer.  She was lost in the land of princesses.

I got inspired to bake this week, mostly because I was home so much and I have a horrible sugar addiction at about 3pm everyday :) I had some bananas that were going bad, so I found a recipe for some Martha Stewart Banana Cupcakes with Honey-Cinnamon Frosting.  Let me tell you, they did not disappoint!

We ate them for breakfast (without frosting) and for dessert too.  Kind of a fun alternative to banana bread.  They were so moist, I'll definitely make them again.

This is Carter's familiar pose when he is getting sleepy.  He just walks around the house with his paci in, holding that giraffe by the tail and stroking it.  I LOVE it and I will miss it when he's too old to do this.  He is looking like and acting like such a big boy these days, so when I see him like this I get a glimpse of my baby again :) 

Last night was when we really knew that Carter was officially feeling better.  He's had such a low appetite for the week and it's been a struggle to get much food in him.

Until last night when he ate 2 heaping bowls of spaghetti, by the handful.

Although it was a disaster of epic proportions, it did our hearts good to see him happy to eat again.

Today we've done more of the same and this is how Ava's chart looks tonight!  I'm crossing my fingers but so far today, we've had no accidents.  I can't believe it.  My baby is handling this rite of passage better than her Mama :) 

And finally, after my post about my home and trying to keep our room free of clutter and our bed made everyday...I thought you'd appreciate seeing exactly what it looked like today.  Although it is my goal to keep it picked up and for our bed to be made, I do live in reality!  Somedays it just doesn't work out and today was one of those days.  I never want to give the impression that I'm not who I say I am :) There is some freedom in just keeping it real, right??

Thanks for your kind comments on my last post and for all of you who have checked in with us this week.  We are on the mend over here and enjoying the "forced" break that unexpected illness brings.  

I hope you have a blessed weekend!  Really glad it's Friday!

Building a Home, Regardless of the House

                                 

The Practice of Love...

Have any of you been watching the few episdoes of  "Selling Spelling Manor" on HGTV?  I didn't know about it until I stumbled on it the other day and sat there, completely transfixed over "The Manor" as they referred to it.  If you don't know what I'm talking about, google it or get on HGTV's website,.  In short, it's the home of Aaron Spelling and his family that was built in the 90's as the largest home in California, probably just shy in square footage, of the Biltmore in North Carolina.  It was huge, like 56,000 square feet huge and they built it from the ground up in the early 90's I think. 

In that home they entertained royalty and big name celebrities, but they also raised their two children there.  Sort of.  They only lived there for a few years before they moved out on their own too.  Anyway, as I watched the show and appreciated all of the architecture and design elements of that house, I kept listening to them use the words "house", "home", and "manor" interchangeably.  Which struck me.  I'm not sure that I would define any of those things in the same way, nor would I necessarily use them to describe that residence.  This isn't a discourse on the Spellings and their huge home, but it was a fitting reminder for me of the difference our world places on where we live, versus what the Lord calls us to establish and build. 

Finding joy and contentment in our condo has been an active discipline in faith for Travis and I over these last few years, as we've grown by 4 little feet and watched our square footage shrink almost over night.  As we've wrestled through the emotions of being grateful for a roof over our heads, yet yearning for more space, all the while feeling very trapped in a real estate nightmare, we've found ourselves on all ends of the spectrum...sometimes thankful, frustrated, sad, encouraged, inspired, overwhelmed, and yes, even content.  Through this journey, we have learned to fight for a contentment that comes not from our circumstances, the real estate market, or our mood that day, but only from the Lord.  It's His truth that helps us remember our priorities and gives us the ability to trust Him with our needs.  There are plenty of things we could, and at times have, despair(ed) in.  But I can tell you that after living on this roller coaster for several years now, He has worked a real contentment in me that has begun to differentiate between where we live and what we're building.  He's also impressed on me the need to not burden my husband constantly with the things I wish we had or the house I wish we owned.  He has the same desires I do and the same frustrations, but it's not helpful for him to come home to a discontented wife who is always looking for more.

To me, a house is made of brick or stone, plaster and drywall.  It's defined by its' size, its' style, and its' purpose.  It meets the needs of shelter, protection from the elements and a physical address.  Many people make their livings building houses or in my former profession, designing them.  Weathly people aquire them, unsettled people move around in them, and plenty of normal people dream about them.  Our culture tells us bigger is always better, newer is well deserved, and the greater the investement, the greater the return. 

And yet, as we've wrestled with the Lord about where we live, He's faithfully shown me again and again that He doesn't call us to build houses as the world does.  He's got a much greater purpose and plan and it involves establishing a home and building a family.  I've spent so much wasted time being discouraged and dissatisfied over our house and yet, I've never been more thankful, more content and more in love with the home that we've managed to build, despite the condo it resides in.  Does that make sense?  I do love coming home and I know my little family does too.  And for the record, I am truly grateful for the condo we bought.  I like it, there is nothing wrong with it, and it's got everything we need in it.  I want to be careful not to leave the impression that we think we are "suffering" over here or that we "deserve" so much more.  The last time I checked, we live like royalty in comparison to most of the world.  

Today I wanted to share something personal with you, that I've been mulling over lately. I think the world has plenty of houses available, but few homes.  I don't claim to know it all or have this practice mastered by any means at all.  But, with all of my 8 years of marital experience I have willingly embraced the role God has given me, as a wife and a mother, and become convinced of my responsibility to make our house a home.  I've spent a considerable amount of time and money trying to make this place a refuge for our family, a place that makes us all feel like we belong here.  It's my greatest desire that Christ is present and welcome and honored in our home and that all who enter, most importantly my family, feel loved and safe.  It hasn't just happened by accident and what the Lord has impressed on me may not be what He impresses on you.  However, I do think it's helpful as women to share some of the ways we've chosen to feather our nests and why.  I loved hearing some of the inspiration behind Candy Spelling's home and today I thought you might like to hear some of mine. 

I'm sticking my neck out on this one, but humbly, I'm inviting you in to take a peek at our inner world...

One of the ways I've brought some beauty to our white walled, builder grade home, is through color!  Paint colors, inexpensive art, accessories, etc. all make a big impression.  Places like Homegoods and TJMaxx and Target make this easy for all of us and are worth walking the aisles every now and then for that perfect thing.  I've learned to be patient with my purchases, not just buying on impulse but waiting for the right thing, in my meager budget, to work.  If decorating is not your thing, than find a friend who has the knack.  It makes a huge difference and can make any space, no matter how ordinary or boring, look dramatically different.  When I worked for an Interior Design firm, it always amazed me to enter big, beautiful homes that had absolutely no color.  People could never put their finger on what they were missing or why something wasn't working and usually it was because they had no color scheme going.  Just a lot of random things together with no rhyme or reason.  Picking one color to take throughout your house in varying degrees is a great way to start. I'll give you a hint, but it's not easy to spot...brown and blue are two repeated themes in every room of our home :)

Most high end designers will tell you, put those picture frames away and keep your surfaces clear.  And I agree, it's a much cleaner look that is easy to keep up with and really shows off your furniture and your art more effectively.  But if you are going to turn your house into a home, and not a model home open for tours, than fill your spaces with the people you love.  I can't tell you how many times I stop to look at these pictures in our bedroom, of Travis and I together and holding our newborns.  Many times I'm just breezing through, in the middle of something, and then I catch a glimpse of those pictures and I stop for a few seconds and remember...I remember how the Lord answered our prayers, filled our arms, and gave us two little gifts.  I don't ever want to forget His faithfulness and I love reminders of it, in our most intimate of places.  Plus, I think it's a good thing for our kids to see those pictures of themselves up there and know that we treasure each other and them above our stuff and other people. 

One thing that's been hard to achieve in limited space, is remembering that although Travis is here for the least amount of time, he still needs a place to hang his hat and spaces that are his to enjoy and relax in.  He needs a refuge from the world, especially in the public role that his job requires, and I want our home to be that place.  These aren't easy days to do that, little people tend to think everything belongs to them and they have rights to whatever they see, but this is one of those ways we can help honor our husbands and put them first by making sure they have a place to relax too.  I let the kids string toys all over the house, all day long, but I do try to pick some of them up before he gets home and I try to make sure there is some degree of order around here.  It doesn't happen everyday, but if I can help it, we don't always live in total chaos.  Who wants to always come home to that?? 

And speaking of wanting to come home, I became convinced early on in our marriage that it was wise and worth every penny to make our bedroom a place that we both loved and that we enjoy escaping to.  I understand that there are always other places that we can spend money, and some of it is urgent and necessary, but for us, making an investment in our bedroom was equivelent to making an investment in our marriage.  And when I say investment, I mean a few hundred dollars over the years to dress our bed, have some light to read by, some inexpensive art to pull it all together, etc.  The majority of our room came from clearance sales, craig's list, garage sales and gifts from other people.  So I'm not talking about significant amounts of money, but more like intentional spending.   I realize this might sound a little silly, but you wouldn't believe how much crisis counseling is happening within the Church and certainly outside of it, because of marriages that are crumbling due to infidelity and other reasons.  It's a horrible problem and it's devestating families, our communities, and our nation.  So while this is one little thing, creating a cozy master bedroom, sometimes all those little things add up to big things.  There is no place I'd rather have Travis go, than home to me and our kids.  So if I can make home and our bedroom the most inviting place in his world, the soft place to land, than I think it's worth the consideration and the effort.  There is nothing gorgeous or expensive about our space, and in our case our room is the smallest one in the house!  But it's just big enough and it's warm, cozy and comfortable and we protect it with both of our abilities.  I keep it as clutter free as possible, I try to make our bed every day and I attempt to keep our laundry picked up or put away.  We love retreating here at night and on the weekends.  And I'm grateful that Trav has given me the freedom to make this room appealing to both of us.

Maybe the best decision I've made in the last few years is to put as much scripture in our home as I can.  That comes straight from Deuteronomy 5, where we are commanded to teach our children God's laws, to write them on the doorframes of our houses, as we come and go, etc.  It's been a wonderful addition to my days, especially as a stay at home Mom, to gaze on the Word everyday while I'm doing the most mundane of things.  I keep this little calendar, which is actually 365 days of building your marriage, on top of our toaster oven.  I see it right away in the morning while I'm making breakfast and throughout the day as well.  I've had it for probably 5 years and it never loses its' value to me every year.  It's presence has prompted me to pray, kept me from losing my patience, or given me a better perspective about someone or something.  It's so easy and so simple and yet, God's word in our home and in my life is an investment that reaps eternal rewards.

One thing I've been more motivated to do now that we have kids, is to celebrate each holiday in some small way.  It doesn't have to be grandiose or elaborate, but making special memories with them and making our home "fun" is a good thing.  

These little Christmas trees in their room have been so much fun for them!  I bought everything on after-Christmas clearance last year and this year, but we haven't taken them down yet because they both love sleeping at night with their trees on and they're so cute, Travis and I still like them up too!

When I was pregnant with each of my kids, I spent some time thinking of a verse that I wanted to pray for them and read to them over the years.  This is what I chose for Carter and how I displayed it in his nursery.  I hope it will always have a place in his room as long as he's with us, so he'll know that we were intentional about raising him to know and love the Lord. 

And this is what I chose for Ava, for the same reasons.  It was a common passage taught to Hebrew children and often rolled up in a cradle with them from infancy.  As a girl, I hope it's a reminder to her that the Lord is her protector always.  I plan to teach her to memorize this as she grows up but even now, when I look at it in the middle of the day, it reminds me that we aren't just "getting through" the days with no purpose in our parenting.  Seeing the Word on display in their rooms, helps me remember to teach it to them and to know it for myself.  I want them to not just hear God's word at Church, but to remember how it marked the walls of our homes and their rooms.

As our kids grow older, I'm starting to make an effort to include them in things I'm already doing and when I can, to teach them how to be helpers around our home.  We want them to take some ownership in our home, to have an awareness that we have expecations of them and responsibilies we will be transferring to them as they grow.  It's not always easy to do this when they are little, eager and inexperienced, but as I've learned to be more patient and draw them in, they respond to that with a helping heart.  I never want them to grow up thinking we just "put up" with them for 18 years, but instead I'd love for them to know that they were welcome here, that they had responsibilities and that they contributed in ways we appreciated.   

I'm a big believer in having a place for everything and everything in its' place.  I don't care if they get every toy out we own, but when they're done playing with it I help them remember that it's time to clean up again and put everything back so that we have some order in our world.  I'm learning to not always do it for them, but to show them how to clean up and let them do it, even if it's not how I would prefer it.  They love the clean-up song and it seems to motivate them, but here's hoping I'm not still singing it when they are 18 and 19!

I love little cozy nooks to curl up and read or chat or just watch TV.  I like cozy pillows, soft blankets and lamps.  Those things always warm up a space and it's often where I settle in to read to the kids, work on my Bible study or snuggle up with my man to watch our shows we like. 

I've tried to not only create those spaces for us, but for our kiddos too.  They have reading spots on their rooms, but after Ron made us this gorgeous rocking chair, now we have a little spot in the living room too.  Carter especially loves to crawl up in that chair and rock.

After reading Ann's book last year and making time to intentionally thank the Lord for the gifts He gives daily, I've loved any reminders to be thankful.  I keep this two in my kitchen, where I spend most of my time these days.

Chalkboard paint has become one of my favorite things too!  I can tell you that this little sign has quite literally kept me from freaking out a few times :) Taking a deep breath and looking for the blessing in the situation is a great exercise in remaining calm and keeping things in perspective.  I like swapping it out for verses that are meaningful to me in different seasons. 

I bought this when we were newlyweds, before the sign craze took off these last few years, and I still love it.  I do have a wonderful life.  It's not perfect, we don't live in an amazing house with beautiful furniture and plenty of space to grow.  But we do live in a home that we all love and are grateful for.  Somedays are more difficult than others to appreciate this condo when we'd love to move, but the Lord is working out faith in us through this season and that makes it sweet. 

I've had to shift my thinking over the years from what can I do to get in a bigger house, to how can I make this house our home?  And in that change of thinking, I'm loving them better.  I hope I'm displaying a contentment that comes from Christ and a perspective that puts more value on things that are eternal, instead of things that are temporal and can't be held too tightly.  It's a discipline, one that doesn't come easily and that challenges me daily.  But the rewards of being grateful and trusting the Lord outweight all the square footage and custom upgrades in the world. 

"But godliness with contentment is great gain."

1 Timothy 6:6

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all things through him who gives me strength."

Philippians 4:11-13 

Happy Wednesday, friends...

Recovering

I'm grateful that we all got some sleep around here last night but I think I was hoping for a little bit more of a rebound today than it seems we're getting.  Carter is still struggling to feel well, he has a very raspy cough and scratchy throat that just breaks your heart.  He's had a hard time going down for naps, which hasn't helped, and lucky us...the neighbors above us are getting new carpet installed today, which means lots of noise from all the tools and workers.  BUT, we're making the most of it and today there isn't a single toy that's off limits or a game we can't play!  If they want to do something, really anything, they're getting a resounding "yes" from me today!

Travis and I were noticing yesterday just how much weight Carty has lost over the last few days.  He's slimmed down a few pounds I'm sure, we can see it in his face and we can tell when we pick him up.  I'm grateful that he's already eating more today than he did yesterday, so hopefully we're on the upswing there.  I love this picture of him.  Carty loves to push Ava's baby strollers around, which she does not love.  I've had to convince her that Carter is helping her by taking the babies for a walk, ha ha!  So far it's working but there's always a few seconds of panic on her face when he goes near a stroller.  I'm running lots of interference between these two!

He's also been my little shadow today.  He wants me to hold him, sit with him, play with him, cuddle with him, etc.  I'm all for it, but Mommy needs a break!  Ha ha!  If I manage to escape for a few minutes, it's a matter of time before he's whining at my side and holding his arms up for me to scoop him up again.  Sweet boy.  I'll take what I can get because it's only a matter of time before he's back to being busy and wanting nothing to do with cuddling.

This little nut is feeling much better I think.  She still has a cough and runny nose, and I can hear her raspy breathing, but she's got a lot more energy and she's playing and eating like normal for the most part.  Unfortunately I haven't been feeling too great today.  I feel like I'm on the cusp of a sore throat, ear ache, etc so I'm trying to lay low and rest when I can.  I took a little nap this morning and then Ava climbed in bed with me and looked through my stack of catalogs.  I saved the American Girl catalog for her and she just loved looking at all the dolls and accessories.  She asked me to "find a stroller?" for her to look at and thankfully, I found one.  That girl loves her strollers!  She asked if I could go get it and I told her maybe she could ask for one for her birthday.  She liked that idea and then when I told her that  her birthday was "comin up" soon, she asked if could I go get her the birthday stroller today? 

 It may be a long wait til April :)

Even in the midst of all this pneumonia craziness, I've managed to string together a long weekend of really fun girl days.  We had a mani/pedi night scheduled with my Pastor's wives friends at Church last night, but I was willing to give it up and stay home with the kids.  Graciously, Travis told me to go and enjoy it, even though I was gone all weekend with friends.  I felt bad leaving, but felt much better about it when I climbed up in my massage chair and let them rub my feet while I chatted with girlfriends!  We had such a fun time together, all but 2 of us were there, so with 10 of us we shut the place down :)

As I was leaving, I told Ava where I was going and she said to me, "Bye Mama!  Have fun with your friends!  Thanks for coming over!" 

Good grief, I'm gone for a few nights and just like that they forget that I live here and spend 99% of my time with them :)

Probably a good idea for me to stay home tonight! 

Pneumonia x Two

How was YOUR superbowl party?  We had plans to be at a fun one, but our night took a different turn and we ended up at Urgent Care with both of our kiddos, getting chest x-rays and looking at infected ears. 

Not exactly the night we had planned :)

This was our party crew, all cuddled up in warm hospital blankets and Daddy's arms.

I'll back up just a little...I was gone this weekend on a scrapbook retreat and of course, when I left on Friday morning, both kids were starting to show signs of a cold and a low fever.  Travis gave me the green light to go ahead and he stayed home most of the weekend with them, giving them plenty of time to rest and play.  On Saturday we chatted and he said they'd had a good day and were both doing well, just nursing runny noses and a cough.  Fast forward to Sunday afternoon, I was on my way home and when I called to check in, I heard Ava crying and could tell instantly, she didn't sound well.  Carter was napping when I got home but as soon as he woke up, I went to get him.  Normally he jumps right up in his crib and is all smiles and giggles.  Not yesterday though, he just laid in his crib and cried, too weak to even get up.  As soon as I scooped him up, I could tell he was running a good fever and his little eyes just looked awful.  He laid his head on my chest for a good 30 minutes and whimpered, which is SO unlike him.  So our plans quickly changed and we went to Urgent Care, just in time to hear the national anthem while we turned the DVR on. 

In case you're wondering, Superbowl Sunday is an EXCELLENT time to go to the ER or Urgent Care.  There was aboslutely no one there, except us and the staff.  We are so thankful to have a brand new ER 2 minutes from us and this is the second time I've been there now and we've been one of the only people there.  The staff were incredible to us, I think something about two little sweeties who look and sound awful gave us a pass for star treatment :)  They had a childcare advocate come bring us toys and popsicles and juice and she was so sweet.  She blew bubbles while the pediatrician on call looked in their ears and listened to them breathe.  The kids loved it. 

They also put the game on for us, which was a nice distraction from the sick babies.

Sweet little lambs. 

This was one of the only smiles I saw from Carter all night.

Honestly, it was nice to not really care who won the game this year! 

It made missing a party a little bit easier :)

Not a great picture, but I love Ava's face!  The bubbles were a hit and we were two grateful parents.

Poor Carter was just in sad shape.  He ended up with an ear infection (again) and both of them have a case of bacterial pneumonia.  Sad, sad, sad.  They are pretty young (especially Carter) to be so sick, but I'm grateful we took them in and caught it very quickly.  They both had to endure chest x-rays, which meant lots of tears from each of them.  Poor Carter had to be in an infant restraint system which was necessary but heartwrenching for his Mommy.  We survived and they did pretty well, considering.  Ava was crying and needed to look me in the face to stand still while they got a good shot, so I told her I would sing with her and asked her what she wanted to sing?  In her tears she blurted out "Jesus Loves Me" so I said ok, and started to sing.  She cried harder but through her tears, she basically "yelled" the song with me :)

Sweet girl. 

They sent us home with some high dose meds and within minutes, this little guy was out. 

Which again, is totally unlike him.  I'm thinking the last time he fell asleep while we held him was probably when he was 3 or 4 months old. 

Can you believe those long eyelashes on that sweet face??

Gratefully both kids slept all night last night and this morning I could tell they were feeling a little bit better.  Lots of naps and movies today for us, which is totally ok with me. 

I had tons of fun on my retreat and got 39 pages done in Ava's baby book, so I'm happy about that.  It was a rough re-entry however when I got home!  Taking it slow today and for the next few days, sounds just fine with me.

Ava was just THRILLED to look at her book with all my new pages.  She asked me when I got home yesterday, "You worked on my new book for me Mama?"  I was very happy to tell her I did.

We were both dreaming of warmer days while we looked through it this morning...the beach sounds just about perfect right now.

But as I wipe noses today, pour lots of juice and cuddle with two little lambs who call me Mommy, I'm reminded that all of this is God's grace to me.  Kids to care for, insurance that covers our expenses, husbands who sacrifice for me to get away, urgent care staff who provide excellent care.  Even pneumonia and a missed Super Bowl.  I've got lots of chances to love my babies, serve my family and praise the Lord this week, and for that I'm grateful. 

I hope you had a less eventful Super Bowl Sunday and I pray you have a wonderful Monday, while you look for God's grace in and through it.  It's always there, sometimes we just have to open our eyes and dig a little deeper to recognize it.  Have a great day, I've got some kids to love on this afternoon...

Love That is Learned Over Time

  
I decided to jump in today on yesterday's "Walk With Him Wednesdays" topic. 

The topic this week and for the next few is, the Practice of Love, how do you love your husband, your children, a difficult person, etc.?  Because we all know that despite what Hollywood tells us (and really what do they tell us that is EVER true or of any significance???) love is not just a feeling.  It can be, but if so, just as quickly as it rushed in, it will go away again leaving you wanting and empty inside.  Marriages that are only built on the feeling of love, will never last.  Because as we all know, our feelings wane from day to day and as the days fall off the calendar, sometimes they are marked by feelings of love and sometimes they are not.  Sometime they are simply branded by survival. 

But the practice of love, the discipline of it, is an entirely different thing. Marriages that are nurtured by the practice of love, are well built.  Making love a verb to thse around you, to the Lord, is a valuable work because it's just that, work.  It's a love that costs you something, a love that requires a sacrifice and lays bare the intentions of your heart.  It's doing something to make the other person feel loved and is there anything sweeter than watching them receive it as the love gift it was intended to be??

As our 8 years of marriage have unfolded, there have been lessons along the way of how to love one another.  To really communicate how we feel, simply by speaking a language the other understands.  Sure there have been days of flowers and candy and overnight getaways, and they have been cherished, but I'm sure that the days I've felt the most loved have been on the everyday, insignificant days when Travis has spoken love to me in a way that I knew it.  Acts of service are one of the ways I receive love.  To have the kitchen cleaned and the dishwasher run, to take the kids out for awhile and leave me with my coffee and the silence I've craved, those are the times when I know he is doing those things not for him, but purely for me.  To open the ears of my heart and whisper "I love you" in a way that penetrates right through.



From the beginnings of our marriage, me the wife of a Student Pastor, Wednesdays have long become my opportunity to practice love for my husband.  Wednesday of every week, is always a day that is filled with the opportunity to love, but unfortunately it has not always been marked by the practice of it.  As the years have unfolded and the seasons changed, he has needed to receive love from me in a variety of ways and by God's grace, I've learned the ways through much trial and error. 

While I was driving the kids and I to church last night, I heard a familiar Switchfoot song that immediately took me back to the very early years of our marriage, back to the Wednesdays of that season together.  I recognized the song as one I had listened to slowly and deliberately, for days on end, while I put together a powerpoint for him to use as an illustration for one of his talks.  Those were the days before he had a staff, before there was a tech team at his disposal, before he had resources beyond me.  In that season, I was his assistant AND his wife, and I practiced love towards him by being the administrator he needed week after week.  I planned trips with him, I made powerpoints, I called students, I gave rides, I printed monthly activity calendars, I helped him with everything.  It was what he needed while he juggled a part time ministry job and a full-time Seminary schedule.  It was a lot for me on top of my own full time job, but we were both married to that ministry and more importantly, it was a way for me to love him practically and I did it.  And I'm glad I did it.  We have incredible memories from those years, although they weren't perfect and there were many Wednesdays that I didn't practice love, just duty.  For those first few years, I knew how to show him I loved him every week and I did my best to pull it off.   

Yesterday, as I pondered that season of Wednesdays and it's many joys and challenges, I realized how differently they look today.  We are at a (much) bigger Church with many resources.  Travis has a team to partner with, people who shoulder different responsibilities and frankly, no need for me to bear any of those weights that I previously did.  Which is a blessing, because I am not the young wife I once was, ha ha!  I'm seven years older, with two little ones who call me Mom and a husband who is responsible for shepherding and teaching several hundred students.  His needs from me have changed and so have the ways I practiced love on a Wednesday.  It's been a challenging few years since our kids have been born.  I used to have all the time in the world to come on a Wednesday and get involved.  I ran our cafe, got to know parents, spent time with students and supported Travis with my presence every week.  He loved having me there and I knew that, so I made it a priority too.  But like everything else in our world, the kids arrived and changed everything!  Suddenly I had no extra time, I was caring for and feeding a newborn (or 2) and worrying about exposing them to unnecessary germs.  Coming to Church on a Wednesday night, with little ones in tow, was a huge ordeal and not always one I was willing to undergo. 

But what I learned is that although our life changed, his need for my love practiced on  a Wednesday night, didn't.  Of course he didn't have the same expectations of me and he was gracious to give me the freedom to step back and invest in our own kids, without making me feel pressured to invest in students.  And so last year, in the midst of the world's worst winter with 2 kids under 2, I spent many Wednesdays alone at home.  We went a handful of times, but it was usually stressful and a juggling act.  I struggled to show him much love last year, beyond asking how the night went and then trying not to interject my opinion.  It was a hard year and I regret not making him more of a priority, not just with my presence but more in my prayer life.  I wish I would have shown him my love in that way. 

And so with that regret behind me, this year has been a much different experience for both of us.  I have learned to love through a variety of seasons and in a variety of ways.  This Fall, when Trav's responsibilities shifted and he took on a greater teaching role, I sensed that my ways of practically loving him needed to shift as well.  With God's grace, I've finally learned a thing or two over the years.  I've learned to speak carefully and less with him on a Wednesday.  The Lord reminded me this summer, as I read through the Old Testament, what a reverent calling it is to teach the Word of the Lord and one that shouldn't be taken lightly.  So I choose to take his calling on a Wednesday night seriously and with a greater degree of reverence.  Although the enemy often tries to set up camp over our house on those days, I try to love my husband by going to the Lord more and to him less.  I don't bother him with my phone calls to tell him what our kids are doing that is making me crazy or how tired I am.  I realize that sounds so silly, but it's wise counsel I also got from another Pastor's wife and I think it's right on.  As Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back"  and Proverbs 10:19, "In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking, but he who restrains his lips is wise."  

In my younger years, I've been guilty of picking a fight on a Wednesday or trying to get Travis to make a big decision, hours before he's going to teach.  How wrong I was to do that and sadly, in doing so I treated God's Word and his messenger with contempt.  It's been a good practice for me to stop and go to the Lord with my concerns and let Him advise me about what Travis needs to hear from me on those days.  I'm certainly not always perfect in this area, old habits are hard to break, but I believe on the days we are both rightly approaching the Word and there is not strife between us, it is easier for Travis to teach what the Lord has asked him to.  And it's my way of showing him love to release him from petty things between us because believe me, it takes great restraint to not complain on those long days.  You just wouldn't believe some of the things that happen about an hour before we are supposed to leave the house.  I'm not kidding when I tell you the enemy is bent on claiming a victory over my house.  Some of my hardest days with the kids, happen on a Wednesday.  Some of the oddest phone calls I get, happen on a Wednesday.  My greatest temptation for complaining, is always on a Wednesday or a Sunday.  He is relentless, but thankfully, my God is greater.  I fight for joy on a Wednesday because the Lord is worthy of that and because it makes my life (and my husband's) easier when I am joy filled, instead of bitter. 

This year, Wednesdays have become a great blessing to me again.  I've embraced the option of childcare at Church for my kids and thankfully, they have just loved it.  Ava's little Puggles class is for sure the highlight of her week and I am so grateful.  Carter is all smiles when I pick him up from the nursery now and I know that is the Lord's grace.  I have LOVED the opportunity to be back in student ministry, and this time without a "job" to do, other than to just love my man.  We get to enjoy incredible worship together, hand in hand, and then I have made it a new practice to pray over him before he speaks every week.  The Lord impressed that on me the first week this fall and I don't think we've missed a week yet.  It's a joy to hear Travis teach and to be able to love him again with my presence in the back of the room.  But it's also been a blessing to approach a Wednesday night with awe over the Word and the way the Lord speaks to the generations through it.  I delight in seeing our students grasp it and wrestle with and be changed by it.  It is an incredible privilege to be in ministry and to have a front row seat in the ways God is working through a younger generation.  I'm so glad I haven't missed it. 

Someone asked me last night why I come every week or what my role is?  I used to answer that with some justification about my responsibilities or my job that night, but now I am grateful that I can just say, "I'm here to love my husband and I'm very thankful for the opportunity to do so." 

I realize most people reading this aren't married to a Pastor and the way you love your husband probably looks much different.  I think the thing the Lord has impressed on me is that no matter what our husband's calling or occupation, it is our privilege as their wives to love them in that role, how ever that looks for the two of you.  We hold much power as their wives and we have the opportunity to bless them or curse them in the way that we handle their work lives.  We can always find ways to complain or something that isn't ideal, believe me, I could make a list too.  But part of loving someone else is putting your own needs aside and sacrificing for the good of theirs.  The practice of love is active, intentional, and important and the stakes for marriage have never been greater.  Wouldn't you agree that there are far too many covenant unions that are crumbling around us because of "feelings" that have gone astray or "rights" that demand to be met?  I'm not saying we have the perfect marriage, we surely do not.  But I am saying that I have learned how to love my husband in the area of his job and I think the Lord has brought blessing to both of us because of it. 

I love the opportunity that the internet affords us, to share what we've learned and to grow from others who are also seeking the Lord.  I'm anxious to read through this list today of some others who are practicing the art of love to those around them.  I hope this is an encouragement to you and if you are open to sharing, I'd love to hear the ways that you practice love with your husbands too.  This is only one area I can speak to about my growth, there are many that have plenty of room for improvement!  I hope you have a blessed day and a blessed weekend!  I'm off tomorrow on a scrapbook retreat and I'm so looking forward to it. 

Wishing you a sweet weekend of practicing love with whomever the Lord has put in your path...

He is able to help us love anyone, anywhere, through anything...