The Wild, Wild West

Happy Friday, y'all! 

In honor of my theme today, I thought I'd throw that y'all in there, haha!  Today I'm happy to finally be sharing Walker nursery with you! I've been full circle with this nursery ever since we found out he was coming.  Since we are indeed STILL living in the magic condo (1200 square feet +2 bedrooms + 5 people = magic!!) it took me a long time to decide if I really wanted to do a little nursery for Walker or if I should just give him a corner in our bedroom and let the big kids' room go untouched.  Ultimately I couldn't resist giving him his own space and I desperately wanted our bedroom to be "just ours" so after talking Travis into all the rearranging that needed to happen (again) we blazed ahead with Walker's nursery plan.  My patient husband will tell you I am anything BUT boring when it comes to our home! All of you who have been on this blogging journey with me for the last 7 years know that by now.  It's wise to not get used to any kind of permanent arrangement around here because when Mama gets the rearranging itch, it's best to just go with it! It's my little way of keeping life interesting  :) 

Anyway, I have been slowly bringing this all together, knowing our little guy wouldn't be in here full-time until around 3 months or so.  Just this week I finally got it finished and photographed and have started getting Walker on a napping schedule in here.  It's pretty fun to move him into this space a little bit at a time but also another sign that my baby is growing! 

If you'll remember and allow me to explain, this nursery has quite a backstory.  Last year I blogged extensively (and with tons of pictures) about the complete history and transformation of each room in our home during my 31 days series and you can click here to go back and revisit that if you'd like.  

But for a quick recap here is the breakdown of this nursery, maybe the hardest working square footage in our home! 

-2007: It served as intended, as our master walk in closet. And all the women said "amen" because it was one heck of a closet.  

-2010: It was transformed into Carter's nursery in the new "baby suite" (AKA, our former master bedroom. bathroom and walk in closet area).  This was the first official sign that the kids had taken over our lives, ha ha! 

-2012: It became the bunk room for Ava and Carter while the master bedroom turned into a big playroom.  Surprisingly, it worked perfectly with two bunk beds! 

-2013: Once we knew baby #3 was cooking, it returned to it's original glory as a closet once again while we moved the big kids out of their bunk room and into the big room. Not to be confused with the big house, wink wink!  It was SOOOOOO helpful to have this be one big closet/storage space and I drug my feet for a long time about giving that up.  

-2014: But here we are now and once again it is back to being the cutest, coziest little nursery ever! It will always shine as a great closet but it sure has become a darling and perfect space for our baby boys to spend their first year.  

And so, without further ado, here is what it looks like today...

Welcome to the Texas Ranger's little room! 

I wanted to do this as inexpensively as I could by using all of the same furniture and bedding we had for Carter, but also wanted to give it a personal twist for Walker.  I settled on a slight western theme.  Kind of a vintage cowboy look that would mix well with our chocolate brown and blue color scheme.  

This is the view from Ava and Carter's room, looking into Walkie's nursery. Behind that closed door is their bathroom.  

  I looked forever for some art in here and since I live in Scandinavian Minnesota, it was nearly impossible to find anything locally.  It's also nearly impossible to find anything that isn't terribly cheesy or tacky, but I was thrilled when I found these screen prints on Etsy.  I love them!  

 My Mom found a couple of things at Hobby Lobby for me, like this iron cowboy and the cross.  Travis has always loved that scene and it's all over in Texas, but we were excited when she found this in Iowa.  I toyed with leaving those stars up there or taking them down (they were still up from when Carter had them as a baby) but I kind of like the whimsical feel of them since this is a space for a baby still.  

 She also picked up that iron star (which I loved!) and then my sweet babysitter (from my childhood) made this darling name sign for us that just arrived last week!  Isn't it adorable??  I love it.  

 I have been using our room and our bed for a changing table lately, but I forgot how handy it is to have everything I need at my fingers on his "official" changing table.  

I've put up scripture in each of our kids' nurseries with the verses I chose to pray over them.  Walker's verses are Colossians 1:9-10 and I found this great picture frame at Homegoods to display them.  

That Cowboy hat we've had for a little while now, it belonged to Travis' Grandfather, Jack.  Affectionately referred to as, Paw.  I love that it hangs in here now!  I had totally forgotten about it as it lived in the top of our closet for awhile, but it is the perfect addition to this room.  That cute peg board is also a fun addition.  I've had it for about 5 years, before I ever had any boys after the little boys that I nanny-ed for changed up their rooms and their Mom asked if I wanted it?  So glad I said yes!  It's been in our dusty garage for several years as well but it looks so great in here.  

These prints I found are screen shots printed on old dictionary pages.  They are so cool in person, I love that they are re-purposed and handmade.  

I found those chippy picture frames also at Homegoods one night.  I didn't have the art in my hands, but took a chance that they might work and sure enough, they did! 

They might be my favorite things in his room! 

This is from the bathroom looking in...

...we have just enough room for everything we need in here.  I really do love being in here, it's so peaceful and cozy.  Especially when it's clean !

 It's such a great thing to have those closet shelves as well.  They give us some great storage! 

Love to sit in that little corner and rock with Walker.  That glider was a sweet hand-me-down from a student and her family when we found out we were pregnant with Ava.  It has served us SO well and is such a comfortable spot to hold a little one.  It also has a blanket on it that I've used with all three kids.  

And speaking of blankets, the same babysitter who made Walker's name sign also made this cute camo blanket for him!!  Isn't that fun??  It's so soft and thick, it will be perfect for Fall and Winter!  

Thank you Hannah!!

 What do you think Walker??  Do you like your new room?? 

We're spending more time back here, getting used to his new digs.  

 Just a cowboy and his trusty (stuffed) horse...

A cowboy who desperately wanted this photo shoot to be over!!  Ha ha!  

Thanks for taking our tour :) Considering it's really just a closet, we are so grateful it has transformed with us over the years and made having three kids in such a small space seem very possible and even cozy and cute! The Texas Ranger will have lots of happy times in here and Lord willing, many great naps and long nights of sleep too!  Can't wait to move him in here very soon! 

Happy Friday, y'all! 

We Survived Week One

It's Sunday night and my new reality is getting up and out the door for the next five days.  Insert *shocked* face here! Ugh, how long until Summer??  With the first few days under our belt, maybe that's the hardest part for me.  I've adjusted to the fact that she's ok without me all day and I've embraced my new time with the boys while she's gone, but what I'm not thrilled about is the loss of our days at home when we never "had" to be anywhere.  Wow, was that a gift!  Now the bell tolls early to get all of us out the door to drop her off and what felt like a long time for her to be gone is really not all that long when we are busy during the day.  So now I've joined the club of all the Moms who feel like taxi drivers and pack mules! ha ha!  

Some things that have instantly changed for me? 

-Now I check the weather every night to know what I should have her wear or bring the next day.

-I scan my cupboards a lot more now to make sure I've got something on hand for her lunch and/or her afternoon snack at school, not to mention a little snack when she gets home.  Good grief.  I've got to buy more snacks! 

-I've realized I need to have dinner on the table MUCH earlier in order to get a jump start on the evening and everyone to bed at a new hour.

-Because of the previous need, I am now getting back in a groove with meal planning and grocery shopping.  I had a great routine last year but summer and a newborn threw it all out the window.  Now it's time to get disciplined and organized again.

-Unlike when I was in school, everything is electronic now which means no school calendars that come home or flyers about everything.  Nice, but I find myself having to check the website constantly and having to log-in to the parent portal.  Two weeks ago the parent portal wasn't in my vocabulary.  Now we're best friends.  

-I'm exhausted!  The mental and emotional energy to get her out the door and remember everything on her behalf, not to mention wondering how she's doing during the day...it's totally exhausting!  I need naps like I've never needed them before.  We are all tired around here and I'm just as needy as the kids. Resting has become a new priority for all us again! 

-And speaking of resting, Miss Ava walked home with me on Friday and asked if it was ok for her to get in bed when we got home? Ha!  She was SO tired and barely made it home before she walked right into her room, got her jammies on and hopped in her bed!  I knew she was so tired but it took her until Friday to admit it and just give in.  Post school naps are a likely addition to our daily routine I think.  

It was a great few days on her first week at school.  I only cried on the first day, but on the second day Ava was in tears while passionately trying to explain something about sausage that I just wasn't understanding.  After lots of tears and some visible frustration with each other, I finally figured out that she was talking about the hot lunch option from the previous day and that she was trying to tell me she wanted the sausage that some of the kids were eating.  She didn't understand how the lunch system worked, and I was unclear about some of it too, so later that morning I called the school and got some answers for the both of us which allowed her to choose hot lunch on Friday.  You would have thought she'd won the lottery at the news! It was a happy day for her and even tonight as I explained the lunch option for Monday, when she discovered it was orange chicken with veggies and rice, she squealed and said "I love chinese chickens!!  I'm so happy about lunch tomorrow!"  Ha ha!!  

I know we'll get in a groove here soon.  It's so interesting to experience all this with her as a new parent.  I'm guessing things will be easier and old hat when Carter and Walker go to school, but right now it feels like I'm a Kindergarten student too! 

Here are some cute pics from the end of the week...

I love Fridays when Daddy can walk Ava to school! 

 And yes, it was chilly enough for coats that morning, like 58! 

 Gotta love rainbow striped leggings! 

 Carter is getting lots of exercise with us in this deal! He LOVES watching the buses when we get to school and when we pick her up.  It's a big highlight in his day  :) 

 Lots of Mamas warned me about the "Friday night meltdowns" from exhausted kindergarten kids, so we decided to make our Fridays for the foreseeable future, a pizza and family movie night event.  

 Which means jammies, popcorn and an early bedtime for everyone!  

Even Trav and I love the idea of some low-key Fridays ahead.  These are busy days with soccer and work for Trav, so anytime we can just chill at home with the kids is a good thing. 

 Carter had a much better end to his week.  He's accepted Ava being at school all day and I think he's starting to see that having all the toys to himself at home isn't so bad.  But each day we've picked up Ava, he's told her multiple times "I missed you today, Ava!  I'm so glad you're home!"  

Sweet boy.  

 And then there's Walker.  Thankfully he's so go with the flow that his world hasn't changed too much! He likes the stroller walks outside I think and easily falls back asleep if I have to wake him.  

I am going to have to figure out his napping schedule in the next few weeks so that we can get a good routine established while we're home.  He's getting close to that stage now of regular naps and it's my goal to get him taking them in his crib this week.  Sigh... 

Everybody just insists on growing up around here.  I can't catch a break!

And just for fun, while swapping out pictures from some old frames last week, I discovered this gem from MY first day of Kindergarten in 1985.  Love my knee socks!  

I'd say she's a much cuter version of her Mama!!  

And stripes are definitely a classic, right?  They just never go out of style :) 

Have a great week, friends! I've got to get to bed for my Monday morning wake-up call! 

First Day Fun

And just like that, the first day is in the books and she LOVED it!!  Thank you Lord, it was a great day and I've got some darling pictures to share with you.  My real camera battery died just before we left the house this morning (insert a crazy, sad face from me, here) so I had to substitute with my less than par iphone, but at least I got a few with Trav and I before we sent her off.   

There are more pictures here than things to say, but I can't help myself.  

I'm just saying, she is the cutest Kindergartener I've ever seen!!  

This sweet thing was up at 5:30 am this morning with a "bad dream" and I don't think she got much sleep after we tried to put her back to bed.  She had a one track mind today and it was laser focused on her first day of school!  She got dressed, ate breakfast and brushed her teeth in record time.  I should have timed her, it was practically miraculous! 

No nerves, no anxiety, and no apprehension from Miss Ava, just pure joy!  

Although our hearts were feeling all of those things above, we were so thankful she was excited and ready to go.  That honestly made this whole morning so much easier.  

For the scrapbooks, people. 

While photographing these, poor Carter was just beside himself, crying and whining over anything and everything.  I totally understood him!  I sort of felt like doing the same thing.  We were both extremely conflicted, on one hand so happy for her and on the other hand, so sad for us.  I knew I'd be losing my best helper during the day and Carter knew his little buddy was about to head out the door for the day.  

But clearly Miss Ava was totally un-phased by the wheels falling off the bus all around her! 

Can't wait to see how much smaller that back-pack looks in the Spring! 

Poor Walker, we woke him up to take her to school and from the look on his face you can see he had no idea why! This early morning thing is going to take some getting used to for all of us.  

See what I mean about Carty??  He was having NONE of this "first day stuff" this morning.  

Change is hard buddy, I totally get it! 

I love this pic of these two!  She looks like she's 15 to me here...I suppose I'll close my eyes and that will be true soon, as well! My goodness this all goes so fast...I never thought that when I was up in the middle of the night with her or when her princesses were strewn all over our house.  But here I am now, saying what I didn't understand all these years...it's just a BLINK of an eye that they are home and in our full-time care.  

I'm so, so thankful that I've not taken these years for granted or missed out on it all.  I have truly loved and cherished the last five years with Ava, and I'm looking forward to a new chapter in our journey together.  I LOVE being her Mommy, even though I cried my eyes out today!  

What an incredible gift she is to her Daddy and I.  I know what a privilege it is to stay home and I suddenly see it so differently today.  The days can be so long but the years are so short.  

With a kiss and a reminder from her Daddy about who she is, how much we love her and how we've prayed over her, her school and this day...

...she jumped right into that line and smiled back at me, while I stood there with a huge lump in my throat and hot tears in my eyes.  So good and so hard!!  I won't go on about leaving her again, but seeing this picture just brings all those emotions right back.  How I will ever let her go to college I don't know, but I do know that I have to start dealing with those emotions now because if I don't, I will hold her back from all the God has planned for her.  

The boys and I did a whole lot of this today.  I just didn't have it in me to be the activities director, I was better suited for hugs and indulgences today! 

I did get a sweet glimpse into what it will be like with just my boys at home and I know I'm going to love that too.  Carter aged a few years today and stepped into the role of a helper that his big sister usually does.  I've got some fun plans for him tomorrow and we will not spend every day in bed like we did today.  But I have to admit, even that was so nice and totally necessary.  

But before we knew it, it was time to go get our girl!!  Thankfully we got a break in the rain and we were able to walk to school.  I thought I might burst into tears again as soon as I spotted Ava, I've never been so thrilled to see those striped legs as I was today! 

And Carter? Well at the sight of his big sister, he jumped out of the jogger and said...

"Oh Ava, let me give ya a hug!"  How sweet.  He was just as happy to see her as I was. 

And every bit as relieved to hear it was a great day!

So Ava, what did you really think of your first day??  

It took her all of 5 seconds to immediately begin gushing and filling me in on every thing she could remember.  She seriously talked non-stop for the next hour and told every neighbor that we saw, she just came home from her first day of Kindergarten!  Hilarious! 

The bullet points? 

-She loves her teacher

-She made a new friend at lunch, she thinks her name was Anastasia (like in Cinderella) but she can't remember her clothes she had on (CLASSIC Ava comment)

-She didn't have time to drink her water at snack time

-She hurried so much to get her picture colored

-She liked the breakfast she got to eat in her room

-She got to go to the library for a tour and picked out a book that some grown up paid for (ha ha! I believe she was referring to the check out process)

-She had lots of fun

-They read the Kissing Hand book

-They couldn't go to the gym because the new paint on the floor was still wet

-She wishes we could move tomorrow so she could be in the fun club that rides the bus (!?!)

-She loved the note I sent her in her lunch and said maybe I could do that again? 

And the storm?  

She told me that it was raining and raining so much and she could hear "funder after funder" but when I asked if she was scared or nervous about it, she confidently said "No, I was ok."  

Of course she was.  

I'd say the first day was a big success! 

Before I could get Walker out of his car seat, she was suddenly dressed in a new outfit and ready to play with Carter again.  And suddenly life seemed a little more normal for all of us and just as it should be. 

But then she spotted me and my camera and did this.  

"Mom!!  This is how we ask a question at school!!  We raise our hand, isn't that cool??"

Yep, it's a new day over here but I think it's going to be a great one.  Thank you for checking on us, for praying and asking about her first day (and mine too).  We are good and ready for another one!  

And now I'm so glad this day is over because I'm exhausted!  

Maybe I'll raise my hand and see if Travis would like to put me to bed too??  It's worth a shot  :) 

Confessions of a (new) Kindergarten Mom

Well, reality has sunk in and here I sit, attempting to work through my emotions via the keyboard.  I'm presently curled up in bed with both of my boys, we are self-medicating today with movies and snuggles and a few episodes of crying from each of us.  Carter and I are conflicted and sad, Walker is just hungry.  We are missing our big girl at home with us and yet, we know she is right where she's supposed to be and likely having so much fun that she's not thinking a whole lot about us.  And for that I really am thankful.  A little tortured too.  But mostly glad that she bounced out of the car and never looked back.  Although I wouldn't have complained had she told me she'd rather just stay home with me...I know, I'm pathetic.  That thought never crossed my mind at all, only a few thousand times before 8:00 am.

I'm doing a lot of breathing today, deeply I might add.  I suppose I thought I would just get through this day with lots of distractions and activities but now that it's here, I've changed course and decided to just let myself have this day to feel everything I want to.  Which means I've sobbed some, smiled a little and imagined what she's doing about every hour.  So you know, I'm a hot mess basically.  I have for the most part, had a lot of joy about this new stage and in seeing Ava blossom before our eyes.  I've tried hard not to squash her excitement, taking comfort in knowing she is ready for this and all of it is good.  But today I'm facing the ache I didn't realize was just under the surface of those smiles.  I have the best friends and parents who have been checking in on me all morning.  It does make me feel better to know that most Moms have walked a similar road on the first day.  I'm not the only freakish Mom almost racing back to my car so I can burst into tears in "private."  Let's just say on a rainy morning, which really ruined my plans for a sweet family walk to school, I've never been more thankful for umbrellas!  After I kissed Ava and choked on the lump in my throat, I basically hid myself under my umbrella while I passed all kinds of grinning parents so that my hot tears and the look of anguish on my face was not easily observed by the masses.  I resisted the urge to yell, "What are all you people grinning about???  Don't you know this is a sad day??  Why are we all OK with leaving our kids here??"  I figured Ava didn't need a label or a "weird Mom" on her first day, so I refrained.  But I was thinking it.  My feet couldn't get me to the van fast enough and when I opened that door and caught one look at Trav's face, the floodgates opened.  Everyone told me it was OK to cry.  I out did them and sobbed instead.

One of my dear friends texted me with all kinds of perfect wisdom, having been through this five times before.  She reminded me of the wonderful promise in Psalm 139:5, the Lord has already gone before her and He hems her in on all sides, laying His hand on her.  She's out of my eyesight for a few hours each day, but never outside of His.  My Mom commiserated with me about the hard seasons of letting go in parenting.  It seems once these years begin, it's a new heart struggle now as they rightfully and appropriately gain more independence while we hopefully cheer them on and help guide them through.  One of my favorite insights about parenthood came from an author I heard interviewed on Focus on the Family one day.  He basically said our role as parents is to help our kids gradually shift their dependence on us to a dependence on the Lord.  That's the big aim.  At the beginning, for the last 5 years, Ava depended on me for everything.  Sure she's grown up a lot this last year and she certainly still needs us for most things, but right now she's at school and she's doing a new thing without me all day.  And that's good and it's right and it's all part of growing up, but as I told my friend this morning, maybe that's the part that hurts the most today.  She doesn't need me like she used to.  She's stretching her wings for about 6 hours every day and all without my constant supervision.  That's a tough pill to swallow for my heart.

In fact, as a severe thunderstorm rolled through here this morning after we dropped her off, I had my first panic as I realized it was thundering and she hates "funder." It stops her in her tracks every time.   Just last week when it stormed, she ran over to me and wanted me to hug her.  As the tears rolled down my cheeks again I wondered, who will hug her through the "funder?" And then it hit me.  Jesus will.  This is exactly why we always ask her, "Ava, who makes the thunder?  Who is in charge of the storms?"  It wasn't just so we could fill her head with knowledge or get her to repeat some Biblical insight.  It was for moments like these, when we can't be with her, for her heart to remember that truth and rest in it.  She knows she can pray at anytime for any reason because we taught her that God is always a whisper away.  She knows who controls the storms and who will make her brave because we've talked about it and she's heard us pray for strength in a variety of circumstances.  In fact, she practiced it last week before she had her final kindergarten shots. When I asked her if she was nervous at the pediatrician's office, she told me had already practiced being brave and asked Jesus to make her brave when she was in bed the night before.  Not when we prayed with her, but later when she was by herself.  All those truths we've tried to impart, all those Biblical accounts and testimonies we've tried to explain, all that modeling and reminding...it's all for moments like these.  For the first day of Kindergarten when the "funder" rolls and Mommy is not there to reassure her.  I'm hoping and trusting that the Lord reminded her who was in charge, who was in control, who she could trust.  Yep, this is a new season of transferring her dependence and also, transferring mine.  When they are little and you meet all their needs, it's easy to believe that you actually can meet ALL their needs, forever.  But even that's a lie.  We do a lot to help them, to care for them, but ultimately the control we think we have isn't really much of anything.  God's always been Sovereign over all their days and mine too.  This is another lesson in letting go and one I'm determined to learn.

So now, as I count down the final half an hour before we go pick her up (!!!!!!!!!) the tears have dried up and already I can see how sweet these days will be for the boys and I as we spend time together.  This will be a good season once we're all used to it.  I'm excited to hear how she did all day, excited to see her cute little face, excited to squeeze her tight and hear her giggles while she plays this afternoon.  We've almost made it and when I say "we", I mean me.  The first day is almost in the books and I'm glad.  I'll be back tonight with pictures (did you doubt that??) and her impressions for all the relatives to hear  :) For now, I'm comforted in this truth we've built in her, to the best of our limited abilities...

"You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.  You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.  Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely. You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain."  Psalm 139:1-6

He's got her.  

Today and every day after, she's in His hands...

right where she's always been.   

And because I know I can trust Him, even on the first day of Kindergarten, that's exactly what I am doing.    

The Night Before Kindergarten...

On the night before Kindergarten, I asked my girl a few questions...

Today is: Tuesday, September 2nd, 2014

I am this big: 5

My favorite food is: Buttered noodles

My favorite color is: Pink

My favorite book is: A Disney Princess book with Ariel, Anna and Elsa

My favorite song is: "Let it Go"

My friends are: Julia, Ellie, Eliza, Brooke

I am really good at: Playing games like my Princess game

I need to work on: Singing "Let it Go"

I am excited for: Kindergarten! 

When I grow up I want to be: A mom

Three words that describe me: Five; hugger; lover

There aren't enough words tonight to begin to say what's in my heart on the eve of this big day, so I won't try yet.  I'll let these pics from the last few months, speak for themselves.  We are all anxious and excited about tomorrow and Ava's not the only one who needs some sleep!  

She's ready, we're thankful and our new reality awaits us.  

Kindergarten, here she comes!!